early last week a couple of maddy’s toys went missing. a zebra stuffed animal and her baby doll. for a few days she asked me where they’d gone. i had no idea.her stuff goes missing all the time, and i usually find it pretty quickly. i’ve searched everywhere for them. they’re not in any of the usual places (i’m convinced they disappeared at…
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It Only Takes ….
…. a moment. One teeny tiny moment …. to change your world. To destroy your world as you know it. To make you feel as if you will drop dead. Just one moment.I have been trying and trying to upload a picture for the top of this entry, but I’m in a hotel and the computer won’t let me upload pics. So I will do my best to leave the web site so…
The Value of a Friend (Part Five thousand and two…)
I recently attended the Soaring Spirits annual board retreat. Each year the board members get together in the same place to brainstorm ideas for the foundation, establish our annual goals, reestablish our focus for the year and just “be together”. Our board meets regularly, once a month, but our meetings are held via Skype because four of us…
Still A Toddler
Well, it’s Sunday night, and I just realized I needed to get to writing my Monday post. I have kept very busy today with home improvement projects. And, because of Spring being at my door, I have been miserable with allergies. I seem to be popping Benadryl all day long, as if they were breath mints, which is likely why I have been so drowsy all day…
The Widow Card Part 2
I got a traffic ticket a few months ago. Should have hopped out of the car immediately waving my husband’s death certificate. (There is a copy in my computer case, not sure why I leave it there or how it even got there) Instead, I sat in the car, feeling guilty about even thinking about using the widow card… to get out of something that was…
the best before date
As a widow, when does our license to actively grieve expire? Is there a time limit to our sadness? An event that signals the end of our foray into melancholy remembering? An experience that renders the act of longing for our spouse void? As I drag myself along this road of the widowed person, I know that I am not done. Almost three years and I…
march.
three years ago, my first march in this house. overwhelmed by circumstances, unaware of what i was in for. liz in her bed at the hospital, madeline still waiting to arrive. the flowers blooming in our yard… grapefruit, lemon and orange blossoms. the yellow flowers on the vine. the jasmine bush and that tree in the back i thought was…
Life is Messy ….
…… I originally wrote this post 4 months after Jim died ….. exactly one month before what would have been our 25th anniversary. What. Would. Have. Been. So very many “what would have beens’ over the past 3 years. Anyway, I was looking through some of my older posts and thought I’d share this one with you.I have heard it said that if you…
We Scare the Hell Out of People
Widowed people are scary. Who knew? I’ve noticed it in the past 5 years and it took me a while to figure it out. Our tragedy makes people uncomfortable in a way that is hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it. But it’s true. I think it is more than just not knowing what to say to us, or thinking we might cry suddenly. I think we scare…
The Spot
Phil was on his way to this trail head on the day he died. He left home around five thirty on a summer evening in August, and I got a phone call from a witness of the accident that took his life thirty minutes later. Somehow that trip to get to my husband’s side is burned into my memory in a way that other moments from that time are not.Five years…
I Will …
The “Tired” post now has 35 comments. The last time I got almost that many comments was on April 13, 2009. Three days before Art died. This post read… —– They told me to bring the kids in. They told me to bring the kids in. It’s over and I, I, I just …. I feel nothing.The hardest part about this… No wait, the right now hardest part…
I dream of him
I dreamed of him last night. My dreams aren’t too off from the real world. In them I know he is dead. And yet, in this Inception like reality, I still think maybe there is some way his world and mine can merge, if only for a couple of hours in my sleep. In the dream, there was one moment that stood out more than any other.I was walking beside my…