I’m sitting here, Sunday night, and watching the old Steven Spielberg film, Always. It’s one of those films we widowed people try to avoid, especially in the first year. I’m not in my first year, more like at 22 months, but who’s counting.This is one of those films that I remember enjoying, but never really thought to watch again. So, the details…
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Grief from A Child
This is what Ezra has to say about grief. He wants you to pay attention. He’s nine. He was 7 by three weeks when Art died. M=Mom, aka KimE: It’s scary whenever I go to sleep because I’m afraid I will be dreaming about daddy. M: Why do you not like that? E: Cause then every morning I wake up and I realize that he’s never coming back and it’s…
Easy
To put it simply…every action, every breath, every second of my life after Michael’s death was one thing and one thing only…hard. Okay, I should re-phrase….torture, painful, unbearable and hard to imagine surviving even a day. But an amazing thing happened today…like most things, it’s something I’ve noticed in passing since becoming a…
The same??? a cranky rant
First posted on my personal blog on June 25th, 2008 (Three months after Jeff died) while still in the throes of “death anger”… The kids and I went to a small toy store to find a little toy for Liv and Briar on our way to the wedding on Sunday. The saleswoman was one of those types that drive you insane while shopping by following you around and…
“where are you from?”
that’s a question i used to get asked a lot in my previous life, (you know, the one before my wife died)it was either preceded by, or sometimes followed by, “what do you do?” in my current life, it matters less where i’m from & what i do… what’s more important, especially to others like me (like us), are questions like, “what…
Not Everything is Black & White ….
…. nor all black or all white. In fact, I’m going to step out on a limb here and say …. that nothing is just black and/or white. Well, except for grief. Parts of grief.In the beginning (and actually longer) my grief was black. Solid black. Cold, inky black. I’ve been in caves before. You know, under ground, deep and cold caves. And there have…
Winnie the Pooh on Grieving
“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”-Winnie the PoohAlways be with me….. I really hope so. But I know her and…
Dating Again.
Well, last week I wrote about visualizing change. In fact, “Visualizing Change” was the title of concurrent posts both here and on my personal blog. I thought it appropriate to discuss the issue in both forums, as I wanted to feel like I carefully explored what I was wanting and what I was feeling.The subtitle to my personal blog is “one gay man’s…
How Did He Die?
I’m at the bank, not my usual branch. Comments are made about how tall my youngest is. “He’s only 9?” I nod. What I want to do is roll my eyes, and hand her a card that says:“Thank you for noticing that my child is tall. Hopefully he will be a tall man some day. I have trained him to smile and say “Thank you,” even though he has…
Healing Hurts Sometmes
When a friend is sick you hope they will get well soon. If you know someone who has cancer, you might pray fervently for them to be cured. After you’ve had surgery, a friend might call to tell you they hope you will heal quickly, but what about when someone dies. What do we wish then? After Phil’s death I feared getting better. I didn’t want to get…
are you ready for this?
One of the questions I’ve asked myself frequently since Jeff’s death is “Am I ready and do I want to date?” Aside from the need for physical contact, I can’t say that in the first year I was at all ready for “dating”. Last year, my second year of widowhood, I thought I was. With trepidation and large amount of humility, I took a look at online…
You Can’t Fix Me
Sometimes I want to scream at people: “You Can’t Fix Me!” …because sometimes, I get so sick of hearing that I need to “look after myself” or “do something for myself” or “make it happen” or “chin up” or “forge ahead.”Sometimes it’s just too much when friends and colleagues minimize my grief in their misguided belief…