I am sitting upstairs in the bedroom… the morning light streaming through the window. Only today, I’m not upstairs in my own room, but at Mike’s place. He’s downstairs getting the morning started while I get my post done. I got in last night, and it’s the first morning here. The first time I have ever been here. I’m a little overwhelmed, I’ll…
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The Tangible Taste of Missing Him
I’ve had a lot of those moments this week where the missing of Dan has been sharp and hard and tangible. I’m always conscious of him not being here – even when I’m laughing or having fun, there’s always that subtle sense of his absence. I never forget. However time has gently smoothed some of the corners so that the missing of…
50 Reasons to Love Don Shepherd
I could not think of one single thing to write about today. Not one single thing. not because I am suddenly healed and “all better” from my loss, since we know there is no such thing as that. But just because. Im exhausted. Im tired of writing. My brain is fried beyond belief, and I just could not conjure up even ONE thought to post in here today.
Coming Home
I suppose no matter who you are, if you have a chance to escape, take a break, travel, take time off…that moment when you return to your regular life (assuming it was a good break of course) can be a bit of a letdown. For me, being widowed, my recent trip brought up so many additional feelings I think I will be sorting them out for a long time.
this glorious grief~
grieve gloriously you are cracked wide openlisten not to the instructions of others how you must grieve own your relationship and what it now means to bear the physical absence of that one you loved love still in the ethereal world scream cry rend your garments curl into the floor gasp your grief it is yours not theirs grieve gloriously and give…
A Walk in the Woods
Prior to losing Megan, I was an avid backpacker. 5 or 6 times a year, I would meticulously plan a trip to the mountains over a weekend, and disappear for a few days. No cell phone service, no emails, no TV, no distractions. I am at my most calm and reflective while I am in nature. It was a way to recharge my batteries and spend time…
Embracing the Silence
As I write this blog post, I am preparing for a 10 day, silent retreat at a women’s Buddhist retreat centre a few hours south of my home. I will be offline and encouraged to set aside all reading and writing devices for the entire retreat. The thought of this, I must admit, is a bit terrifying. I am well acquainted with being on my own and not…
Come and Take It
And so just like that… I am about to put in an application on a rental house in Ohio. What? How the hell did this happen? It was only weeks ago that Mike and I sat down and had a serious talk about the idea of me moving up there… if I did, how would we do this? I decided, after having lived with Drew’s parents since he died, I need to get a…
I Don’t Know How You Do It
A few days ago I was chatting to a good friend of mine who recently lost a friend to cancer. This young man fought a long, hard battle, and left behind a huge community of friends and family who were missing him very much – including his newly-wedded wife. My friend told me about the steps she’d been taking to reach out to the young widow…
What A Man Is
I am a strong and fiercely independent woman. I always have been. When I was 18 years old, in 1990, I left my comfy small town of Groton, Massachusetts, to attend college and live in NYC. I wanted to be a performer, actor, comedian, writer, or anything that got me out of that boring and predictable suburban life. I wanted more. So I went out on my…
The Interview
As this posts I will be on my way back to my little grass shack in Hawaii from my adventure in the UK. I planned to have things posted so I needn’t worry about posting from who-knows-what wifi I will have while I am away. But I can only imagine what I will be thinking about when I return.I feel impelled forward into this strange, new life. I feel…
When~
when will i not hold my breath waiting to hear your voice?will i not wish for time to go in reverse (only a few years, maybe 8) so we could still be together? will i not ache for your lips smiling at me across a crowded room or right next to me as i catch your gaze? when will my body not feel starved for your touch for our two bodies twisting and…