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When~

Posted on: August 26, 2015 | Posted by: Alison Miller

when

will i not hold my breath

waiting to hear your voice?

will i not wish for time to go in reverse

(only a few years, maybe 8)

so we could still be together?

will i not ache for your lips

smiling at me across a crowded room

or right next to me as i catch your gaze?

when will my body not feel starved

for your touch

for our two bodies twisting and panting

together in

wild and crazy passion?

when will your absence

not be a physical entity

standing of itself next to me

in me, part of me?

when will i breathe again?

when will this heaviness of grief

not be more than i can bear?

when when when when

will i ever ever ever ever

not miss you

not starve for you

not wish my days and nights

away

wanting only to be with you?

when

when

when

when     

http://widowsvoice.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/79a21a4a75220f168a033c74180ff5ef.jpg

 

Categories: Uncategorized

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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