Widow's Voice

this glorious grief~

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grieve gloriously

you are cracked wide open

listen not to the instructions of others

how you must grieve

own your relationship

and what it now means to bear the physical absence of that one you loved

love still in the ethereal world

scream cry rend your garments curl into the floor gasp your grief

it is yours not theirs

grieve gloriously and give not your power to others

who have no knowledge of your story and your soul

pretend not that life matters

or give all energy to life and let it matter

it is for you to decide

or not decide

just be who you are what you are

how your grief must be at this moment at this time

worry not for the unseen future

or worry for that future

which is yours even as you curse it

grieve gloriously and deeply and as you alone must grieve

sob or laugh or sob/laugh at the same time

or do neither

we are one and the other and we are both at the same time

or not

and both are impossibly possible and there is no logic or rhyme or reason

there is no destination there is only here sometimes there but always here

*allow the mind fuck*

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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