I’ve lived in lots of places in my life so far. I was born in Maryland and raised in Arlington, Virginia until I was 6, at which time we moved to nearby McLean. I attended Georgetown University in Washington, DC and lived on campus there, moving each year, in the dorms and residential housing. After college I moved back in with my parents, and then…
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Widowhood and a Microscope~
It would probably seem torturous to many people. And it is, I suppose. But sometimes I feel so empty, so without Chuck, so numb, so filled with absence, that I seek them out so that I can feel again, right down to my gut, even if the feeling is deep sadness. Them being videos on youtube of military funerals. With the recent anniversary of the…
Hope and Reality
As I wrote last week, I had made plans to go to a place called the Dolly Sods wilderness for a weekend of backpacking. I’d been planning for months, to return to this place that I was so familiar and comfortable with. A place that felt like home to me. As fate would have it, a fire ban was instituted in the area, which quickly put this trip…
I’m Tired
I am tired of being brave. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of being a hero and inspiration to everyone around me. You don’t know how I do it? Neither do I. I wish I could break sometimes. I wish I could just stop. I wish I could take option B. But I can’t. I don’t know how to. So I just cry and scream. And wonder why me. But nothing changes.
Outside the Walls of “Safety”
Mike left around 3am Saturday morning, headed out to West Virginia. It’s his first major solo backpacking trip since we’ve been together. Three nights out in the mountains alone, with no cell service. Our only form of contact has been a satellite device that lets him send me preset “all is well” messages with his location every few hours (this…
Because you Died
This week if the first anniversary of Kaiti’s husband John’s death. I am filling in for her this week, and I ask that you send her your virtual love and support as she makes her way through the anniversary of a day that altered her life. Sending much love your way, Kaiti. May John’s love fill your day in unexpectedly beautiful ways. …
Just Today, Not Tomorrow
I have come to a place where I am terrified of the future. My future. And THE future. The future of where our country is going, the future of the state of things…. On and on and on. I have felt this sense of anxiety and panic and fear, since losing my husband suddenly, over 5 years ago. But now …. It almost feels worse. Lately. …
Precious Gifts
One of the most precious gifts from my marriage to Mike is that I have, for the rest of my life, two beautiful stepdaughters. They were grown when I married him, but still very young, 18 and 22. Now, one is mother to three beautiful children and the other just got married this past weekend here in Kona. Let me tell you – I am deeply grateful I was…
The Vastness of the Empty Space~
I wonder at the vastness of this life without him… This life of widowhood. How do I live in such a huge space? How do I locate myself in such a huge space? Where do I go now, with all the questions That have no real answers?What do I do with the emptiness Of that space beside me Where he once stood with a smile and an open heart? What do I do in…
Take me Home, Country Roads
“I hear her voice in the morning hour, she calls me, the radio reminds me of my home far away.And driving down the road I get a feeling that I should have been home yesterday, yesterday.Country roads, take me home to the place I belong.West Virginia, mountain mamma, take me home, country roads.” – John Denver In the purest, most technical…
A good week
When I sit down to write I allow myself to be honest and have emotions that I normally hold in come out. That’s no different this week, but I have decided to bring some light this time. I had a normal week four kids, work, and doctors’ appointments. I have my break downs that happen out of nowhere still. The weirdest things will trigger them. I…