I wonder at the vastness of this life without him…
This life of widowhood.
How do I live in such a huge space?
How do I locate myself in such a huge space?
Where do I go now, with all the questions
That have no real answers?
What do I do with the emptiness
Of that space beside me
Where he once stood with a smile and an open heart?
What do I do in this vast space that feels filled with a confusing
Mixture of emptiness that is pain but is also emptiness….is pain and I know that makes no sense but
I don’t know how else to explain it
Because we all know it really can’t be explained, can it?
What do I do when
The language I seek no longer speaks what is deep within that emptiness/pain
So I just sit and stare into..well, emptiness,
And, I regret to say, my face more than likely assumes the resting bitch look when
It is really my I’m not really here but I know I look like I am look…
Where do I go when words fail me, yet my heart and soul are filled with feelings and emotions and words must be spoken so they trip from me maybe incoherently
Or maybe in tears?
I do believe I’ve reached the point where my words become liquid
Liquid that beats from my heart to my veins through my blood to my brain where that liquid seeks to become words but words no longer suit or fit
So the words flow to my eyes and trickle or pour out depending on where I am and how I am.
But whether words or tears, whether trickling or pouring, they come from the vastness of that empty space
and become nods of oh yes I get it! from sister and brother widows.
And a little bit of that space gets filled~