A week ago I showed up for a meeting in a different state, that was planned over a month before, to find that the person who was in charge of the agenda was missing. The reason for her absence was that she just found out her best friend has cancer, and her dear friend’s diagnosis was delivered to her around the first anniversary of the death of her…
young widow
A Different Grief
It was a lovely evening. I could feel the exhaustion running all the way into my finger tips and for once I welcomed it. It was 9:30 pm. I checked the clock 7 times to make sure I hadn’t misread it. 9:30 pm and for once all three of my children were in bed and….asleep. A self-congratulatory smirk (accompanied with a sigh of unimaginable relief)…
Books Revisited
**I’ve been revisiting past blogs. It’s sort of a way to remind myself how far I’ve come and continue to go. Here’s one I wrote May 9, 2009, that I wanted to share. I think we all, in some way or at some point, turn to books, blogs (wink, wink), or other forms of writing for healing** I believe for me, that a huge part of figuring out one’s grief,…
kinship
Nine months after Jeff died, my beloved grandfather joined him in the great fishing grounds in the sky. My grandmother was, understandably bereft. She asked me, “Does it ever begin to feel any better?” In that moment, I was struck by one thing. We were now not only linked by blood and family, but by the kinship of grieving our spouse.Marriage…
A Double Edged Sword ….
…. is something I should be used to by now. I’m not. I am in Alaska this week. This is my second visit. The first time was back in 2007 …. with Jim and the Sons. It was to be our last family vacation. Ever. Jim died 6 months later.My brother lives here and I came to be his “nurse” after he has back surgery today. (I’m not sure why anyone would…
The Bikini
“Mom look!” She’s not timid. She’s not afraid. She walks into my office in her first bikini. Until this moment she had never worn one, never as a baby, toddler or little girl. Until this moment she only wore board shorts and rash guards. She has never worn one as the daughter of Art.Two weeks after her 11th birthday she asked for one. I waited for…
Suffering
“You can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world, that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature, but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid.” -Franz Kafka I’m at one of our bi-monthly AWP events. Our first night is one of the most interesting. For many of the widows, it is there…
as I remember
When telling a story, Jeff or I would occasionally correct each other’s rendition of the tale. Although I am always as truthful as possible, there were times when either of us would need a reminder of the facts of a past event and it was comforting to know that I could always ask him some small memory that was remembered by both of us. “How long…
what am i doing?
you know what’s not easy? talking about what happened on march 25th, 2008 over and over and over and over again. (you people know this better than anyone).i lived it. i wrote about it and now i’m reading it out loud to crowds of people i wouldn’t know if it hadn’t happened to me, to us, a little more than three years ago. i thought it …
One of THE Most Difficult ….
…. Posts I’ve Ever Written. Something has changed. And I wasn’t even aware of it until 2 days ago. Which is kind of freaking me out, because this change was huge. So huge that it stunned me when I realized it. Literally. And then I wondered how I felt about it. I felt horrible and yet a little relieved at the same time. And I kept this change…
Not Okay
I remember using the words “not okay” with Grayson when he was little to teach him that something was wrong. I’m not sure why we used “not okay” instead of “bad” or “wrong” – but I’m sure it was in tune with the current kinder gentler way of teaching kids right from wrong. For whatever reason the phrase has stuck with me, and I’ve used it since…
A Personal Look at Death and Resurrection
Resurrection is the theme of the day for Christians everywhere. But whether this day is a religious celebration for you, or a bunny hop, or just another Sunday…those of us who grieve have a unique knowledge of the experience of death and resurrection. Because when our loved one died, we did too. The person who did not know what living in a…