My three year old nephew, Gabe, told my sister, “Uncle Jeff died, but he still has his imagination.” I love this idea. The belief that ‘his imagination’ or mind is still intact brings me huge relief and comfort.What I find interesting is that I am completely willing to believe this to be true. I know that some of my willingness comes from the need…
widowed suddenly
hawaiian wedding part two
when it was time to get ready for the wedding. i’m of course going tie-less because i still don’t know how to tie one and my wife is no longer here to curse and assist me.we took our seat in the sun and as the bride started walking down the aisle, maddy started to squirm and make some noise. shit. we retreated and i kept one eye on maddy…
I Can’t Compete ….
…. with a memory. Especially a memory that has become gold-lined over the past 2 + years. I’m referring, of course, to my teenagers’ memory of their father.Don’t get me wrong …. he was a great husband (the best I ever had …. ok, so he was the only one I ever had …. whatever). He was a very good father. He was an exceptional man with a…
The View Approaching Five
Every once in awhile I am shocked by the fact that Phil has been dead almost five years. This week I met several new people, and shared a bit of my widow story with each of them. Every time I told someone how long it has been since Phil died a little voice in my head asked, has it really been that long? Believing that 56 months have passed since…
Stamps, Please
While at the post office I needed to buy a bulk amount of stamps for the AWP. I ask the lady if she can show me what designs they have available. She asked me if it was for a wedding or shower, “No,” I replied. She pulls out a Frank Sinatra set, another she had nearby, as well as the Purple Heart stamps. “Do you have anything else patriotic,…
lucky me
“Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.” ~ Dr. Suess After Jeff died, I had this quote printed in vinyl to stick above my bed to remind me just how ‘lucky’ I am.I read it in the hard moments when the kids are in bed, the phone hasn’t rung in two days and my poor-me’s are flowing. It reminds me that I’m lucky. We’re lucky. Every one…
hawaiian wedding part one
on april 16th, i flew to the island of oahu with madeline. we were there to celebrate the wedding of one of liz’s best friends in the whole wide world, maleeda.all of her best friends from college were there. i was honored to be invited, but i anticipated it being a tough trip. we arrived and i was instantly transported back in time. i had been…
I’m Not “Normal” …..
….. and finally, FINALLY …. after 2 years and 4 months ….. I’m OK with that. It feels good to finally feel OK with things not really being OK. I don’t think I will ever feel “normal” again. I spent a lot of time fighting that. I wanted to be “normal”. I didn’t want to be a widow. I didn’t want anything to do with widowhood and everything…
A Grief Timeline?
The day Phil died I had no idea what kind of roller coaster ride I was about to board. In many ways I felt I was shuffled onto the first outgoing cart marked “grief,” and told to put my lap belt on low and tight. Maybe I would have managed the twists and turns of the journey better if someone handed me a grief timeline that mapped out the course…
Your Final Moments
When I came across the excerpt below, it made me not only reflect on what may flash before my eyes in those final moments, but comforted me in knowing that what flashed before my husband’s eyes when that time came. A life he enjoyed watching. So here’s to us…and our journey to enjoy the ride, and when the time comes…our final…
Dating help from Jeff
I have realized through my recent, brief and unsuccessful foray into the world of widowed dating that I am most definitely not looking for Jeff. It is not that I am measuring how certain men stand up to the man that Jeff was. It’s that I am looking at them through not only my eyes, but Jeff’s as well.Yesterday, as I stood in line at the bank, I…
more birthday
two saturdays ago, a whole bunch of people came together to celebrate madeline’s first birthday.her actual birthday was on march 24, but this was the first time we could get (almost) everyone together many of our family members flew in (two even drove from the mn) and a lot of madeline’s friends showed up. it was an amazing day for the…