That’s what my son likes to remind me, usually when he’s gripping a leg and pulling, while his sister is gripping an arm and pulling, and the dog is looking like he’d like to grip something…if only he had thumbs. “…just remember Papa, you signed up for this…” Funny, I don’t remember the widower, single parent, caregiver, dog…
widowed parenting
moments like this.
it’s not what any of us (including brooke) would have wished for, but moments like this: give me hope. …
Strength ….
…. or at least the “appearance” of it, is very illusionary, is it not? I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard, or read, someone say, “You’re so strong, Janine. I just don’t know how you do it.” ….. or some variance thereof. I bet you wish you had those dollars, too (not for me hearing it, of course, but for every time YOU heard it).My…
Judging Grief
I’ve frequently thought over the past years that I was doing this whole grief thing wrong. Clearly I wasn’t sad enough, skinny enough, or laying in bed enough. I was also not happy enough, not moving forward quickly enough, and not dating anyone yet. Once I wasn’t so wrapped up in the actual grieving that I couldn’t see anything but my own shoes,…
Get the BLEEP Away from Me!!
Take your hands off of me! I said get away from me! Only you don’t understand it cause the words that are coming from my mouth are… “Damn it, L! How many times do I need to tell you to pick up, wipe off, clean up your _____ (insert typical mother rant hear.) I CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE!” I yell.Really wanting to throttle him, to give my hands…
There is a Time ….
…. for mostly …. everything. Even time for things that at other times …. look very negative. Like Selfishness. There is a time for selfishness …. and I had that time. I needed that time. I needed it in order to survive. Literally.Grieving demands selfishness. At no other time in one’s life must a person think ONLY of her/him self,…
Broken Hearts Club
Well, it’s Saturday night, February 12th, and I’m sitting here alone. My son has a friend sleeping over, and I can hear their laughter in the distant room, but other than that all I hear is the sound of a fountain next to my front window. I have been here most of the evening, sitting on my couch, doing some writing, surfing the net with a profound…
The Smell
I didn’t mean to. I was only trying to help, to help him, because he missed you so much. He was in your closet. He came out and said, “It doesn’t smell like Daddy anymore.” He looked so sad. He looked so forlorn. So I showed him my secret. Your cap. The one I keep folded up tight, in a Ziplock bag, stashed in my bedside table. …
they are okay
There are days or moments that I watch my little ones and think, “Bloody Hell. They are going to be so messed up after all they’ve been through.” Then there are times that I see them blossom and bloom with smiles, laughter and play where I think, “If you didn’t know what had happened, you would think these two had a ‘normal’ life.” All I know for…
support.
last weekend tom and candee came to los angeles for a short visit. and i watched (in amazement) as they continued their support for the life i’ve made for maddy and me since the death of their daughter…they’re heavily involved with the foundation i started in liz’s name. they excitedly ask about everything that’s happening with my book. and they…
I Have Super Powers ….
…. and so do you. Some of you may be so new to this “club” that you aren’t aware of your powers yet. But you have them. Oh you certainly have them. In fact, the newer you are in the club, the stronger your powers are. And they are very, very strong.My powers are starting to weaken, and I’ve lost one of them completely …. I think. This…
Emergency
Ever since April 16, 2009 I have struggled with what name to put in the blank space that says “In Case of Emergency”I loathe that blank space. It reminds me no one will love my kids as ferociously, as tenderly, as fully as Art did. It makes me want to go back to bed as if sleep will solve the issue. …