Even though it’s a bit cloudy, it’s a pretty lovely day here in the desert. My roses are budding and blooming, leaves have returned to the trees, there’s a soft breeze, 83 degrees. Spring has most definitely arrived. And it’s been six months since Jim died. He created this beautiful backyard, so I always […]
Widowed
A Party to Plan
This week we turn the calendar to April. Once again, I will find myself in the month that Tony passed. What feels crazy to me is that this year will be the 5th anniversary of his death. Five years is bananas. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed. A month or so ago, […]
Scrambled Thoughts 🍳 with a Side of Trauma.
⌛️ It has been 842 days, 13 hours, and 41 minutes. Roughly 2 years, 3 months, and 22 days. But the trauma, the slow agonizing torture, started for me more than five years ago with his terminal brain cancer diagnosis. It blindsided us. If your person was ill for a while, you know what I […]
Start with YES
I’m now at Day 10 of this respiratory thing going around, so I’ve been isolating … which should have made it easier for me to accomplish all of the things on my list … but my energy level is at the negative level and I can’t manage more than an hour before I need to […]
Anniversary Missives
St. Patrick’s Day was/is Tony and my wedding anniversary. This year, we should have been celebrating our 19th. Instead, we are always stuck at 14. Walking through the wedding anniversary grief always hits a little different. It is a striking reminder of our widowhood coupled with their death. The other big days, like their birthday […]
I’ve Gone Dark.
This week I am in it. 😔 In a funk. The kind you can’t pinpoint to one single thing, just a mix of little and big things that make life feel so heavy and unfair all over again. It feels like a grief hangover. The kind that wants to keep you in bed for days […]
Tears in Heaven
Well, I finally sold the travel trailer. It needed to go … because I won’t be taking it out on the road AND because I need to get it out of the way so Jim’s son can retrieve the cargo trailer that was behind it and pick up the Harley. Mission accomplished. Check received. And […]
We Went to Church
A few weeks ago, I took the boys to Church. And by Church, I mean Eric Church. This was Tony’s favorite singer and every song he released; Tony seemed to identify with more than the last. I don’t think there was a song he didn’t like. Right after Tony passed, tickets for one of his […]
Everybody leaves one day….
As levees are breaking, a flood comes Washes away all the rubble Past indiscretions and stalemates We are all sailing to the gates Everybody leaves one day I know it hurts Everybody goes away You will too, I will too (Ghost) The thing is, everything that lives will leave one day. Death is all around […]
HAPPY? BIRTHDAY TO ME 🥳
March 8th, 2026 I turned 51. Happy birthday to me 🥳 That word… happy. Its meaning has changed so much for me. It takes real effort for me to say it these days, because very few things feel worthy of that word. Everything is tainted by the shadow of grief. I stop and think: Do […]
Finding our way
We each carry our grief – deal with our grief – in our own way. It’s important to know that there really is no right way for any of us to do this, so please don’t ever let someone tell you how you must do it or that you’re doing it wrong. You may choose […]
Hi, My Name is Liliana…
THE MORNING I WALKED INTO A GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP I sat there, in my car, for what felt like an eternity. It was a cold, overcast Thursday morning in mid-February 2024, just like in the movies. I drove one hour from Washington, DC to Springfield, Virginia to attend a Loss of Spouse Grief Share support […]