1,245 Days Borrowing a poem from Mary Oliver to remember you: Not Anyone Who Says Not anyone who says, “I’m going to be careful and smart in matters of love,” who says, “I’m going to choose slowly.” Nope. Mary Oliver’s opening words do not describe our particular story. We were young (so young!) and […]
Widowed Memories
The Loss
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. This day brings a range of emotions to the forefront. Wishing that I had seen something sooner. Wishing I could have prevented what happened with Erik. Wishing I’ll be able to find the right words to explain what happened to our kids. There’s so much stigma around suicide loss. […]
A Year at Crescent Haven
In processing grief, I often hear people use the term, “Moving On”. But, most who are recovering from the trauma of losing a loved one prefer “Moving Forward”. Some might ask, “What’s the difference?” If you Move On, the implication is that we’ve left something behind; forgetting, or letting go of, some place, or somebody, […]
Forever 32
I found myself lying wide awake at 10:49 the Monday night before my birthday wishing that midnight just wouldn’t come. And that if it did, that my birthday wish would come true. That when that clock struck 12, I would find myself back in 2022 before what would become the worst day of our lives. […]
Recalling The Jersey Shore
This Saturday Morning marks the beginning of the Labor Day Weekend which for many brings the unofficial end to Summer 2024 and the official beginning of Local Summer. In places like the Jersey Shore, where I resided happily for many years with my late husband, Rich, this is a very special time of year. With […]
August Slipped Away
A repost! Join me next week to read about this year’s birthday. August has always been such a busy month in our lives. Our entire family’s birthdays. Summer plans, parties, trips…memories. This past month, mostly these past two weeks have been more of a rollercoaster than I remember last year being. This was the first […]
Bringing Up Indy:
One Widow and Her Lab PART One Background noise at my house includes scratching, licking, and the occasional squeak of a dog toy. A quiet warning growl followed by an alarmed leap of dog-body in my peripheral vision. A light yellow flash of 70 pounds of athletic animal leaping through the doggie door; flying full […]
Frozen in Age
Earlier this week a few of my cousins had texted me about my birthday plans. I had completely forgotten that my birthday was coming up. I had been so focused on the twins and Erik’s birthday that I had forgotten that mine was the same month. Since Erik’s passing, I haven’t really been into celebrating […]
Finding Family
Reunions of any kind can stir up all kinds of thoughts and feelings – happiness, nostalgia, a desire to connect, and inevitably sadness due to the fact that reunions can remind us of those who are no longer here with us. My parents met in New Jersey – my mom a coal miner’s daughter […]
Summer Memories
Can’t believe it’s already August as another year seems to be flying by here. August is the county fair month here and it always reminds me how much Mario loved sketchy carnival rides. He kind of had the same approach to those as regular amusement park rides, flying on airplanes, or anything else where the […]
Never Alone
I remember my first Camp Widow like it was yesterday. It was around 8 months after Erik had passed. I was sitting on the same couch that I couldn’t seem to move from and had this overwhelming feeling that I was all alone. There wasn’t anyone in my circle that was a widow and at […]
2800 A Day
On July 20th, I walked out of Michele Neff Hernandez’s keynote address at Camp Widow in San Diego to a text message indicating bad news back home. Thankfully, the text indicated my kids were okay. As I rode the escalator to a quieter part of the hotel my mind raced through scenarios of what the […]