In processing grief, I often hear people use the term, “Moving On”. But, most who are recovering from the trauma of losing a loved one prefer “Moving Forward”.
Some might ask, “What’s the difference?”
If you Move On, the implication is that we’ve left something behind; forgetting, or letting go of, some place, or somebody, to move on to something new entirely.
Moving Forward has a more positive connotation. We can move in a new direction without discarding what has us trying to Move Forward in the first place. We are seeking to adapt to an altered future without forgetting what has caused us to seek.
This weekend marks a big Milestone in my own Move Forward.
A year ago tomorrow, I closed on my Cabin-in-the-Woods here in rural Central Florida, a place that has served as a most ulikely haven in the wake of several losses. I now call this place, Crescent Haven, Pleasant Acre Farm, Crescent Key, or whatever strikes me in the moment or suits my mood.
The other day I was telling someone that in the short course of less than five years, I have lived three very distinct lives in three very different places; New Jersey, Southeast Georgia and now “Old” Florida. We can also thow in the common thread of North Jersey, for good measure.
Interestingly, as I approach the First Draft of my current W-I-P, a Memoir, I find myself writing about my new locale and how it has restructured my present. Outside my window as I write stands an ancient Live Oak draped with Spanish Moss that flutters in the morning sun. In the woods just beyond, owls swoop back and forth with strong vocalization and purpose.
It is pure joy to sit here quietly and watch another day arrive. There is no structure to each day, no expectations but to let this day lead me to whatever is next, as there always seems to be.
Tomorrow, as well, I will return to Georgia to “reclaim” my home as my tenants move on to their own new home. My house was a step for them in their own life stage. It will be a happy, yet bittersweet occasion. I haven’t stepped foot in what I’ve come to call “Villa Haven” since early November, the Dream Home Rich and I created in 2020. It will be a little surreal to be back in a space where life changed so much for me just a few years ago.
I now again have choices to make, but I’ve become confident in making them. I’ve learned to make quiet decisions based on what only I can know about my own stage in the process of Moving Forward.
On Tuesday, a property in Hackensack that my late mother purchased back in 1977 will be sold to its tenants who have fallen in love with that home and wish to become homeowners! It is also another bittersweet moment. Located behind our family home that was sold in 2022, my late sister, Manette, raised her son Zac (R.I.P) and my brother John, and his wife Gigi, who now live in New York State, raised their four children in this place. We’re so happy for this lovely family and their four cats! My mom believed in pet-friendly properties – she was a great role model in many ways. Still reeling from her passing just seven months ago and sorry she never got to see this beautiful part of Florida.
There are many ways to Move Forward, physically and emotionally. Saying good-bye to homes is considered by many another form of loss for those walls of a beloved place contain so many memories. I know I’m fortunate to have choices when so many do not. I don’t take that for granted. My homes are my havens and my fortresses., acquired through hardwork, vision and also loss. There is a price to pay for everything.
