20 years ago, I woke up to a screaming drill instructor, chaos, mind games, and effectively running everywhere I went. I lived in a green uniform, seeing no other colors but black, green, and brown for months. I swam in 10 foot deep water with 120 pounds of gear, went 3 days and 48 miles of marching on 4 hours of total sleep (and one meal). I…
Widowed Emotions
PROOF
Is Don proud of me? People always tell me that Don would be proud of me. Its a nice thought. I hope its true. I really, truly hope that its true. But how can I know? I want proof. I want evidence that he is proud. Concrete evidence. Or when I say, That I wish he knew about such and such, that just happened in my life, and someone always…
The End of Motorcycle Season!
If you’ve read my post from my personal blog from last year around this time you would know that I don’t like Fall. It’s my least favourite season. There is however a very redeeming quality for me at this time of year: the end of motorcycle season in Canada! I don’t know if I’ve ever fully mentioned it (it’s not what I want to focus on)…
September and Remembering
My body felt September 11 approaching, even before my mind became aware of it. This morning, September 11, I woke up and could feel the nerves edging along my skin. The feeling only intensified as I watched snippets of remembrances on TV. Why, you might ask, would I put myself through watching something more when my heart was already hurting? To…
Into the Fall
Yesterday was the first day of the year to bring in an autumn cold snap here in Northeast Ohio, along with the remnants of the tropical storm that came through Florida last week. Since I woke yesterday, it’s been a slow, steady dripping rain… the kind where you can still open all the windows and feel the brisk air and hear the gentle drops on…
The Phoenix and the Dragon
It comes in waves, those flames: the flames of fear and the flames of future, the flames of anguish and the flames of anger. You do your best to fight the fire but it is erupting from within you. As if you haven’t fought enough, you are constantly fighting with your inner beast but you never know whom. Is it your inner phoenix or is it your inner…
Coffee With the Wind
Our cats are still here. They still sit in your recliner chair, and fight, and sleep, and Autumn still attacks Sammy for no reason. Im still watching the US Open. By myself. Roger Federer lost in a huge upset the other day, and Nadal won in an epic match that didnt end until 230 in the morning. I actually reached over to my phone to text or…
Be Present
Recently someone reached out to me asking me how I do this life and how they find it so difficult to not be where they want to be or thought they’d be. Turning 30 this past week has made me think about some of the same things so I thought I’d share my thought process. Is this where I thought I’d be and what I thought I’d be doing at 30? No.
If
If all things that are impossible Became impossibly real, And the unimaginable Became impossibly imaginable, And what is impossibly, unimaginably, inconceivable, Became entirely plausible. In a world where my fiercest and most impassioned pleas, Ringing forth from the depths of my shattered heart… Could be heard pulsating through the days and…
Getting Older Doesn’t Suck
I originally wrote this post last year and have revised it a bit to reflect my current feelings. Happy Birthday to me! Enjoy! I hear it all the time…”another year older, urgh,” “I hate getting older,” “I hate my birthday and the reminder I’m getting old,” “getting older sucks.” I use to be one of these people. I cried on my 10th…
I Wanted to Call You
It has been now 6 years since my fiance died. Very seldom these days do I have those moments when all I want to do is pick up the phone to call him and tell him about something that happened. Part of that is due to time, and probably part due to being able to share many of our favorite things with my new partner Mike. Having lost my mom when I was…
The Only and the Already
There are minutes, hours, days that seem to fly by while seconds seem to drag on forever. It has only and already been 4 months since Tin has passed – only and already. For those that don’t lose their “person”, it is hard to explain that time’s guidelines begin to bend in ways we never knew. Good days go fast. Bad days go slow. Yet the next…