I am very open about my life, my grief journey, my faults and my growth. This week I hesitated to talk about something because I was very scared. I had to go to the doctor for something I noticed a while back that had changed. I should have gone to the doctor sooner but I […]
Widowed by Illness
Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful Widows
Images from the Soaring Spirits end of year card 2021 I got my first Christmas card two days ago. Not quite in November, but almost. It stunned me in myriad ways. Firstly, I am staggered I even receive Christmas cards anymore. I don’t send any. I used to, in the life before, but I don’t […]
Holiday Apologies – Dusting the Grief Off the Garland
An Open Letter to the Holidays… Dear Holidays, As you know, the past 4 years I’ve been trying to figure out life without Clayton. He was always here when you arrived so after he died I couldn’t handle seeing you. I knew you were coming but I couldn’t hang up decorations and I refused to […]
Grief in the Gravy
Part of moving forward is reflecting. This past Thursday was the 4th Thanksgiving without Clayton. I feel very different versus 2 years ago and I think that is important to share as I continue to grow. This has been an amazing year full of growth, self awareness, cultivating my character from grief’s strangely fertile grounds […]
You’re Allowed Fifteen Minutes
image by Avesun on iStock About six weeks ago, on a Monday morning, I woke up crying and sobbing. I was having a beautiful and stunningly hard dream. It happens. Quite a lot. Whenever I dream of Julia. I dream of Julia much more often than I dream of Mike. Always have done. I don’t […]
Moments Under A Mask
Headed into the 4th set of holidays without Clayton and the 5th set without my father I’m spending more time remembering my growth instead of my grief. Walking into the woods of widowhood surrounded by the first Fall after losing Clayton and I had no idea how to handle things. Here came the gatherings, the […]
Mourning and Evening Glories
Main image by Erda Estremera on Unsplash A couple of weeks ago, on 3rd November, I felt moved to celebrate a different kind of anniversary. The three-year anniversary of my widbud group, the “Mourning Glories”, comprised of Charlotte, Gordon, Michelle, Pamela and me. We met in early November 2018 in Toronto at “Camp Widow”, organised […]
A Run of Good Luck?
Main image by Dustin Humes on Unsplash I have been wanting to write something about numbers, number patterns, and time, for a while. And specifically that I couldn’t help but notice, some three or four weeks ago, that I hadn’t had another “significant loss” for a while. I feel blessed. No new, massive, significant, life-altering […]
Change
I have a giant vase full of change. It occurred to me today that I’ve been collecting all the change I find along the past 4.5ish years since day 1 of widowhood. Look at all that change. Interesting how one word can mean so much and so little to others. Some fear change and others […]
From Pandemic to Endemic
Photo by Gabriella Clare Marino on Unsplash I read a McKinsey article this morning called “Pandemic to Endemic: How the world needs to learn to live with COVID-19”. The article is basically about, erm, learning to live with COVID-19. That COVID-19 is something that is not going to go away. That it is not time-bound […]
The Stress of the Sale
House hunting – It’s been at the forefront of my mind and free time the past two weeks. We all know that the housing market is out of control right now. Some have said that it might not be the best time to buy a place but others say “you know when you know”. When […]
I can do heavy
Image by Stephan Mabbs on Unsplash Today I had a two-hour slot scheduled with a man called Simon G, who, like me, is a participant in a learning programme. We are learning to facilitate Systemic Constellations work in organisations, led by the formidable Caroline Ward. Simon and I first met at a one-day “taster” programme […]