I did not die.
And, neither did you.
I am still breathing.
And, so are you.
It’s that plain.
I can make his death as complicated as I want to, but really it is simple.
Mike died. I didn’t.
Widowed and Healing
The Memory Bank
It all adds up doesn’t it? I’ve had days where it’s one bad thing again and again. I couldn’t catch a break. Life seems so tough when I’m right in the middle of the storm. I used to dwell on the harder days way more then dwelling on the good ones. You know what I […]
2022 is the year of….Lovely Work
Image by Jen Theodore on Unsplash We are far enough into January now to no longer be seeing quite so many stories of New Year’s Resolutions. What a relief. I can better tolerate stories of New Year’s Intentions – which seem to be more flexible, more humane. Intentions seem to offer more malleability, more wiggle […]
A Grief of My Own – 2022 Addendum
I wrote the original blog in August of 2020 and a lot has changed in my life since then, but this blog is still so very relevant. I have added my current thoughts into the original piece to highlight how grief is not static. The process of grief is long. Much longer than I thought […]
Resting in the Nest of my Grief
Not much to report from Widow Neff this week. Last week’s post published on Wednesday followed by a positive PCR test arriving to me the day after. By then, I mostly felt better, but the official “symptoms” continue into today, yet another Wednesday, and just five days after the confirmed Covid test. PATIENCE is required […]
“Go Get Yourself A Bigger Problem”
Photos by my friend Jane del Pozo Back in the early 1990s, I worked for a couple of years post-Masters, in a small consulting firm of organisational psychologists in Cambridge. One of my colleagues – let’s call her Terri – was a bullish, no-nonsense Aussie, who has stayed in my mind all these decades, despite […]
Filtering Out the Fiction
Moving from the apartment where I became widowed has had a lot of competing emotions. Taking down the photos that Clayton hung up and seeing just my dog Roan standing in our empty apartment hit me hard. Real life becomes more real in some pretty harsh, unexpected waves and ways. Worn out carpet where Clayton […]
We All Know
the Mild Misery of the Common Cold Dare I go on? Or shall I put a sign up that says Closed by a Cold with images of innumerable tissues used throughout the night and thrown onto my bed, doubling for a giant trash can? “Wait!” you say. “Fever and sore throat….those are Omicron symptoms, yes?” […]
One of the Best Things
Photos my own these past days So Christmas and New Year have been okay. Better than okay. Moments that were really hard, of course; but more moments that have been really enjoyable. Ben and Megan came back from the Netherlands where they study, and stayed largely at home while they were here. Medjool went back […]
A Flight of Stairs
Almost six years ago and three flights of stairs up, we thought our new apartment in this little beach down was part of Heaven. For 8 months I helped you walk up and down these stairs until up was to hard for the both of us. Four years after you, I stayed in our apartment. […]
Today I have lived 20,000 days
Picture by Debby Hudson on Unsplash I know, notice, or choose to find out, the weirdest things about dates and days. I love number patterns. I love that my birthday is 270367 and Mike’s is 270763. Same digits. A numerical dream. Or so I chose to believe. Just recently, we have seen a lovely date […]
The Magic of the Season
I remember the magic of the holidays when I was younger. Time went by at a much slower pace waiting for that one special night followed by a day of jolly and cheer. Christmas Eve we would spend with my mom’s side of the family surrounded by aunts, uncle, cousins and grandparents. Each year my […]