It was a busy week (for me) but I survived it. Cocooning still feels more comfortable and safe, but I know it’s important to get back out there socially so I’m trying. Thursday I enjoyed catching up with my old co-workers after so long … I should say ‘former’ not ‘old’ since I do believe […]
Widowed and Healing
Hobby Exploration
Over the last five years, I’ve asked myself a few times what do you want to do with your time? Are there new hobbies you want to try? Old ones to pick up? How will you fill all the time you expected to spend with your partner now that he is gone? What will bring […]
This Is Me
I have a tonnn of songs in my “Grief Songs” Playlist – a carefully curated list of songs accumulated over the past 11 years of songs that are about grief, help me have “a good cry” (I am now at a place in my journey that I can schedule these “good cry’s” at a “convenient” […]
JOKE IS ON YOU! 🤣
APRIL FOOL’S DAY Laughter is medicine for the soul, they say. Humor is the “glue” that holds a relationship together, they say. But DARK humor? It can become a survival tool too, baby! I say. I am willing to bet my tax refund 💵 to say that one doesn’t truly know dark humor until you lose […]
A Party to Plan
This week we turn the calendar to April. Once again, I will find myself in the month that Tony passed. What feels crazy to me is that this year will be the 5th anniversary of his death. Five years is bananas. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed. A month or so ago, […]
The Loss of Future Memories
One of the things that makes our people “our people,” is the million things we know about them that few / no one knew, and – as importantly, the million things they knew about us that no one else knew. We were also “each other’s people” because of the special 1:1 memories we had, the […]
Scrambled Thoughts 🍳 with a Side of Trauma.
⌛️ It has been 842 days, 13 hours, and 41 minutes. Roughly 2 years, 3 months, and 22 days. But the trauma, the slow agonizing torture, started for me more than five years ago with his terminal brain cancer diagnosis. It blindsided us. If your person was ill for a while, you know what I […]
Start with YES
I’m now at Day 10 of this respiratory thing going around, so I’ve been isolating … which should have made it easier for me to accomplish all of the things on my list … but my energy level is at the negative level and I can’t manage more than an hour before I need to […]
I’ve Gone Dark.
This week I am in it. 😔 In a funk. The kind you can’t pinpoint to one single thing, just a mix of little and big things that make life feel so heavy and unfair all over again. It feels like a grief hangover. The kind that wants to keep you in bed for days […]
We Went to Church
A few weeks ago, I took the boys to Church. And by Church, I mean Eric Church. This was Tony’s favorite singer and every song he released; Tony seemed to identify with more than the last. I don’t think there was a song he didn’t like. Right after Tony passed, tickets for one of his […]
“When Are You Going To Start Living Again?”
My widow group What’sApp chat was a flurry this weekend over one very brief – but very impactful – interaction one of us (not me) had at a party. She was chatting with someone she had not seen since before her partner had passed. Rather quickly, the “friend” said, “When are you going to start […]
HAPPY? BIRTHDAY TO ME 🥳
March 8th, 2026 I turned 51. Happy birthday to me 🥳 That word… happy. Its meaning has changed so much for me. It takes real effort for me to say it these days, because very few things feel worthy of that word. Everything is tainted by the shadow of grief. I stop and think: Do […]