It was a busy week (for me) but I survived it. Cocooning still feels more comfortable and safe, but I know it’s important to get back out there socially so I’m trying.
Thursday I enjoyed catching up with my old co-workers after so long … I should say ‘former’ not ‘old’ since I do believe I was the oldest one there. And I got a long walk in, too, since I parked in the wrong lot and had to walk nearly half a mile to find the restaurant. Friday I had fun with a couple of 8 year old boys while the adults had their own version of fun. Saturday was The Notebook Broadway show. Oh boy – I know the story and was prepared for tears but that ending nearly did me in. Thank Goodness The Smith Center restroom had plenty of kleenex. Sunday was Easter at our Pahrump friends’ home along with others who I haven’t seen since before Jim died. It was nice to be able to talk about Jim with them.
But today has been a pretty ‘sluggy’ day for me. I guess socializing (and driving across the mountain three different days) took more out of me than I had hoped. Plus Sheila’s not feeling well and woke me at 4:30 this morning. I can forgive her because that little gal has been my lifeline these past six months. She’s the first dog I’ve owned and I’m amazed at how intuitive she is. She knows when I’m having a bad day and stays close. She was amazing the morning I found Jim had passed. She climbed up on the bed with both of us as I awaited the 911 responders and placed her paws on our hands. When she sees me crying she jumps up on my lap and snuggles. What a gift she is!
I’m still not feeling 100% but I’m definitely better. And if I get a good night’s sleep tonight I expect I’ll be able to get back at the clearing and sorting that still needs to be done. I’m thankful that our community garage sale was pushed back a week so that gives me plenty of time to get things done.
I’ve noticed something that I’m handling differently this time. Vern died on the 22nd and for the next many months I found the 22nd to be a really hard day for me, with very raw emotions. But this time I’m not finding the 26th to have much of an impact. Not quite sure why this would be so different. Perhaps it’s just that the dates were more noticeable back then because I was still working. Being retired, I sometimes don’t even know what the date is.
I’ve moved Jim’s ashes into our bedroom. They had been in the living room under his big tv that he loved, but when his son asked me to ship both his parents’ ashes I had to find the boxes and paperwork, so I moved them into the guest room where I’m gathering all of the memorabilia I think his sons will want. Discovered that I need to use special boxes from the Post Office to ship cremains and my little town doesn’t have them. And since they now want them shipped to his brother in Minnesota (who lives in Florida during the winter) I plan to put this on my ‘to-do’ list for later. I’m certainly not going to ship them to an empty house. So I’ll try getting those special boxes the next time I’m in Vegas.
And, yes, they plan to hold a remembrance in Minnesota this summer and spread the ashes in Lake Superior where Jim and Estelle met. I doubt I will be invited to attend and don’t think I will go even if I am asked. I’ve heard from none of his family since Jim died and just would not feel welcomed. I honor and celebrate Jim every day in this home that we shared and I’m comfortable with that. This amazing rose bush was a favorite of ours and it’s blooming magnificently right now. I think that celebrates Jim, too.
