So I was talking with a fellow widowed friend today, and we both came to the conclusion that most of us are probably anywhere from mildly to slightly to moderately depressed, since the pandemic began. The more time that goes by, the longer this goes on, the more time we each have where life is […]
Being widowed has forced me to become accustom to being “lost”. I have veered off the main road and I have become fairly self sufficient travelling off the beaten path. I’ve always been independent; and, generally, I can excel under pressure; but, Mike’s death has made me even more effective in the face of adversity. I have made solid decisions on unstable ground and I have grown somewhat comfortable being ‘off kilter’.
These days, I choose to take the road less traveled because I enjoy the solitude, whereas, before the silence would have been unsettling to me. With time and experience, I am less afraid of being lost. Mike’s death is teaching me to handle the unexpected and unwelcome in life. And, sometimes I resent this lesson, but I still choose to learn from it. What else can I do?
For all it’s taken from me, widowhood has also given me an unshakable belief in myself.
Im coming off of the end of the work week, just got home, remembered that I once again FORGOT to write my Friday blog in here, and I’ve had about 3 hours of sleep last night. So the following may or may not make much sense, and I take no responsibility for the randomness you […]
So today is February 5th, which is the anniversary of the day that Don Shepherd packed up his entire life into a Penske truck, and drove from Florida to New Jersey to officially move in with me, and begin our life together. At the end of that same year, 2005, he would propose, on the […]
On July 2, 2020, the cancer took my “Beebs.” The photo of me and Lola the pup that accompanies this piece was taken on the road in September 2020, the day I picked her up from her Ohio breeder. There is a backstory, as follows: I had said to my buddy, “You’re being a contrarian,” […]
I have stopped fighting the sadness because I realize that it is not an either or thing. Because I am sad, does not mean I can not also be happy; and, maybe, just maybe I will also be happy in love too…
So last week I totally forgot to write in here. This is not the first time I have forgotten my widow duties. It has nothing at all to do with getting remarried or not WANTING or needing to write in here. I love writing in here. It has more to do with trying to find […]
After months and months of nearly drowning in my own tears, I summoned the fight and fortitude needed to kicked up against rock bottom. I let myself feel the pain of my separation from Mike. I felt it to the depths of my bones. I endured the pain. I swallowed my loss when I was choking on it. I made myself breathed in life when I could not get air. I digested my grief when it nauseated me to the point that I had to hold my hair back as I threw up into the toilet. I persisted. I continued when I thought I could no longer live another second without him. I did all this like so many widowed people before me. I survived because I had no other choice. I am an ordinary woman who endured what requires superhuman strength. I am widowed strong.
This week’s writing will begin with part of the first blog I ever wrote and it will end with an update and my reflections on the three years that have past since. I wrote, “Who Am I ?” on December 11, 2017. Three years later, these words are still powerful and true…
So, today is my one-week wedding anniversary. If you read here last week, you would know that on New Years Eve, almost 10 years post-loss, my fiance Nick and I were married in a private, covid-safe ceremony at The Groton Inn – the whole thing live-streamed to Facebook Live. It was unique, it was beautiful, […]
So guess what I did yesterday, on New Years Eve Day? I got married. I know. I can hardly believe it either. So Nick and I got engaged on December 13th, which you already know if you follow this blog. Soon after that, I received an email from The Groton Inn, a beautiful venue in […]
Merry Christmas everyone. We went over to my parents house this morning for a couple hours, practiced social distancing and did a nice brunch with fried dough and fruit, sausage, eggs, and bacon. We did our tradition of exchanging gifts with them while also scratching off lottery tickets with pennies, and kept our visit under […]