Widow's Voice

The “Ruff” Road Forward

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Jackson. Adopted two years ago today. A furry Valentine. Sweet and sensitive and a big protective boy now.

I’m mindful that the major holiday for celebrating love occurs on my day to post for Widow’s Voice. It isn’t an easy one for the widowed population to say the least.

The other day I imagined a Timeline of Personal Love Stories. A visualtion that might help those who still have their spouses and partners over a long period of time, to understand just how great a loss this is and to help those widowed truly understand why it is such a complex loss.

I recall in my role as a substitute librarian in a New Jersey elementary school years ago where the assignment for all grades was to create a timeline of their lives events, even at such a young age. I was struck by how it made these kids quietly stop to reflect thoughtfully on events that often included the passing of relatives and lots of pets and share with the class.

This can be challenging, and if isn’t for you, I understand if you just can’t “do this”. Feel free to skip over the next two paragraphs.

First, I’d ask everyone to calculate (as close to as possible) the number of days since first meeting their loved one to the day they were gone forever, as in no longer here on earth. Then, draw a time line marking important milestones and events that occured during their lives together; the happy, the challenging and the tragic. Next, draw a broken heart representing the day your partner passed, suddenly or otherwise. After, count the days since that day that brought your loss noting all the new milestones now experienced without the benefit of your spouses comforting presence and history together.

Looking at your loss in this way, you may understand why it really is okay not to be okay, and those family members and friends who aren’t widowed can grasp how difficult a path this is in a more empathetic manner.

Some, widowed at a very young age, may see that there will be a time in their lives when the number of days to the right of the broken heart grow larger than the “other side” of that fateful day. It would be my wish that they see that as hopeful and filled with opportunities for new beginnings if they choose. For those older, the reality of the situation may encourage them to make the most of those days left going forward. For others, it may bring a quiet resignation to just coast quietly with few expectations, and that’s okay, too. Everyone should make their own choices.

In her post of February 4th, Wednesdays Widow’s Voice blogger, Kathy Neff, published an item titled “Give a Widowbit” extolling the benefits of Soaring Spirits, International in helping those who suddenly find their lives upended. By becoming a member, you can support the resources SSI offers the widowed community including direct support for the widowed, grief literacy training for professionals, public health initiative grief literacy training and support for families and networks.Kathie emphasized that in 2025 alone, Soaring Spirits served 4,725,000 people globally and your membership and donations have helped immensely to make all of this possible.

Every Saturday, I post my weekly contribution to Widow’s Voice on my public and professional Facebook Pages to not only share my story with other widowed persons, but to help those who love and care about them to better understand their unique challenges and to help in meaningful and authentic ways. 

Two years ago, on Valentine’s Day, I made a spontaneous decision to acquire a sweet black and white puppy at our local shelter. I named him Jackson in honor of my late father, Jack. Jackson was one of nine pups abandoned and near death when brought to the shelter where they were nurtured back to good health by the staff. He’s one of the most intelligent and sensitive dogs I’ve ever met and now at nearly 80 lbs., the largest dog I’ve owned. We wish our Jackie Boy, a Happy Adoption Day. He’s been a bright spot in my recovery path and a nice addition to our pack. Thankfully my partner is a dog-lover and is happy to spoil and love them all.  

Tonight, he and I will attend a Valentine’s dinner to benefit “Jackson’s” shelter held at a native tea farm just down the road. It’s a beautiful venue in a bucolic setting and it will help raise funds and awareness for the plight of local animals in this county. Since my arrival here in 2023, I’ve been active in volunteering for local animal causes. It has all seemed to come full circle and has played a major role in creating a new life here.

This Valentine’s Day, please consider giving a “widowbit” by becoming a Soaring Spirits, International https://soaringspirits.org/membership/, and for my non-widowed readers, perhaps consider making a donation toward the offerings of Soaring Spirits: https://soaringspirits.org/donate/.

Happy Valentines, Galentines and Palentines Day with love and support on this day and all days going forward on the Ruff Road forward. Wishing my late husband Rich, a eternally happy Day of Love.

About Lisa Begin-Kruysman

Originally from New Jersey, artist/writer/blogger Lisa Begin-Kruysman now calls Southeast Georgia and Florida home. It was during a road trip in October 2021, when she and her husband Rich, who served militarily as a Navy Corpsman, were returning south after celebrating their 25th Wedding Anniversary, that he became ill, passing just three weeks later. The author of several books, including Dog's Best Friend (McFarland & Co. 2014) mostly inspired by the special human-canine bond, Lisa serves on the Board of Directors for the Dog Writers Association of America and now returns to blogging posting for Widow's Voice with the intention of sharing her personal experience of widowhood with those who know the struggles first-hand and to perhaps help those who struggle to understand the daily challenges facing those who've lost a spouse or significant other. She is currently writing a memoir about her Widowed Experience and the comfort she has derived from her relationship with dogs.