This past week was my birthday. I turned 34. It might be the first time in my life I don’t really seem to have any particular feeling about turning an age. Usually I have a feeling of either excitement or resentment towards a new age. When I hit 30, I was so gloriously ready to leave my 20’s behind because they were, with the exception of…
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Working With Grief
This is my life now, living with grief is a daily battle. It never ends, we just try to adapt to life with grief. Last week I was filled with a new found strength. I used this strength to put more effort into my job and was proud that I felt as though I was finally escaping the fog. That was until I was pulled into a meeting at the end of what I…
Just Life
Today is one of those weird days where I don’t have much to say. I love writing for this blog, and 9 times out of 10, even when I sit down to start typing and have no clue what Im going to write about, I end up coming up with something after all. But every now and then, you just have one of those weeks where there’s not much going on or not much to…
Noticing Saturdays
There’s nothing special, or particular, about Saturdays. And I’m not sure when, how or why it started. Maybe a few months ago. Somewhere along the way I just started noticing how quickly the weeks seem to be speeding by. Yawn. Oh, wow, another Saturday morning already. How is that possible? I lie there staring at the ceiling for a few moments…
It’s the 3 Dots at the end…
Of course you’ll always miss your husband….. It’s the but that you can read into those little dots at the end of that sentence that contain the crux of what the person is really saying. ….don’t hang onto the grief…. ….it’s your decision to be happy or not…. …..if you’re still struggling with grief, maybe you should go on…
Walking Alone
“The clearest way into the universe is through a forest wilderness – John Muir” Over rolling hills and through meadows full of goldenrod, studded with purple asters, I took a walk yesterday. It is almostautumn here in Ohio; officially just a few days away. My favorite season.is quickly approaching. So too was it Megan’s favorite season.
Once upon a time….
Once upon a time I had a perfect life. Maybe not the life everyone wanted but it was so very perfect to me. I have never been one to want a lot. Having a healthy family with a home was always enough for me. We always enjoyed doing things together and lived in every moment. When that all changed I told myself to just be grateful that I had it at one…
Even Without Me
Four years, 3 months, and two days after you died, I walked under a blanket of oak and beech trees. The air was cool and crisp, the leaves still shining from a gentle rain… holding drips ransom until the wind blows them loose with a whisper. We were in the city, he and I, but all the world around us was quiet up on that wooded hill. As we…
Dew Drops and Sunshine
This week I have been filled with and unexpected strength, I have still cried almost every day but I feel strong within myself for the first time in a long time. I’ve struggled with insomnia since December. Generally waking two or three times a night. It probably doesn’t help that I don’t usually go to be till around 11 and with continuous…
Vernacular
A couple of weeks ago, I was talking with my dear widower friend, and he said something that really stuck with me. “You know what I miss the most?”, he said.”I miss her vernacular. That way that she spoke, that only she could speak. The way she spoke to me.” After thinking about this long and hard, about what he said and what he meant by it, I…
Collective Grief
15 years ago today, as I type this, Mike and I were awakened sometime after 3 AM Hawaii time by a phone call. In those days it was still landlines, so Mike groggily stumbled into the living room to answer it, and came back and woke me, handing me the phone, and saying, it’s your mom, I think there was a hurricane or something. The house where…
My Two-ish Selves~
I oftentimes read posts/blogs of people who are grieving who speak about how they feel, after some time has passed, as if they present themselves to the world in a way that isn’t real but that they feel is required of them. In that, they don’t show their grief to the world. For many reasons, of course, but they feel unable to show who they…