So, I am writing to you today from Akron, Ohio. I am sitting across the table from my beautiful friend Sarah, who is also writing a piece in her journal at the exact same time that I attempt to write this piece on this blog. I am staying here for the weekend, with Sarah and Mike. (and Mike’s 9 year old daughter, Shelby, who is awesome) All…
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All Is Not Lost
I lost the house this week. It’s ok. Really. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. My own personal faith tells me, well, this is where God/the Universe wants to move you. So, here I go. You don’t have enough income, says the bank. You are a bunch of assholes who took that bailout and never considered how hard us little people worked to…
My Brain as a Treadmill~
I’m grateful I have this spot to write out my thoughts, to think out my thoughts and, maybe at times, make sense of my thoughts. More often than not, it seems that I am incapable of writing in prose here. Sometimes just listing the idle thoughts that run through my brain comes more easily. Every part of me is exhausted this week. More than…
Plastic Guitars
Just last week, I wrote about how, for the most part, random triggers are few and far between for me. Even trying to actively trigger myself has become difficult. Wouldn’t you know it? A day after writing that, an event occurred that randomly brought tears to my eyes for missing Megan. As silly as it may sound, it was a video game that…
Smile, even when it’s hard
When I sit down to write I allow myself to be honest and have emotions that I normally hold in come out. That’s no different this week, but I have decided to bring some light this time. I had a normal week four kids, work, and doctors’ appointments. I have my break downs that happen out of nowhere still. The weirdest things will trigger them. I…
The Magic about Death
(Above) A traditional cemetery celebration on Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). This time of year reminds me of just how important magic is. While life holds it’s own magic, death certainly holds an even more inexplicable magic all it’s own. Not in the sense of tricks and jokes, but in the sense of wonder and possibility. Now, I know…
He Was My Addiction
How did he pass away? It’s a question I have hated answering. Up until now I’ve avoided that question out of fear of being judged. I recently read an inspiring article by Elizabeth Ann titled “Dear Judgy Lady on Facebook”. It bought tears to my eyes and made me look at myself and think, where is my backbone! Elizabeth gave me the courage to…
Stepping out of the Vacuum
Hi all, I’m filling in for Kelley today since she is at Camp Widow Toronto. She’ll be back with us next week! Until then, I’m sitting down to write who-knows-what to you, on the fly. I suppose the first thing that comes to mind right now is community. It’s been on my mind all morning. Not only am I missing Camp Widow Toronto, and all the…
Walking Collages
No one thinks about the prospect of being widowed when they get married. You are starting a brand new life together and things look shiny and new. But think about it. Fifty per cent of all people who get married (and stay married) will ultimately be widowed. Eventually, one of them will die. When I exclaimed to a friend how surprised I was about…
Widow Word~
W I D O W Add an E R for the guys W I D O W E R S Both words mean the same thing. Someone we loved died. Someone we still love, died. Gone, gone, goneAnd it’s up to us, those left behind, to create new lives for ourselves. It’s a powerful word, an ugly word to most of us. If not all of us It carries within its’ letters all the pain and…
Day-to-Day
As has become more and more typical, I find myself sitting down to write, and not having a clear topic on where to focus. The fact of the matter is, though I miss Megan, her death and absence is not all-consuming. Far from it, actually. Trying to spin an anecdote about my day-to-day life into something about grief or loss is exhausting…
Cole turns 3
My youngest son just turned three! Birthdays are always a fun time for our family, it’s a time to come together and really celebrate life. Last year for his second birthday I didn’t do it as big as I normally do. I was still in a very dark state, I knew I had to celebrate his birthday but honestly I didn’t want to. So this year I made sure to…