Today is one of those weird days where I don’t have much to say. I love writing for this blog, and 9 times out of 10, even when I sit down to start typing and have no clue what Im going to write about, I end up coming up with something after all. But every now and then, you just have one of those weeks where there’s not much going on or not much to report in the way of emotions. And when you have a scheduled writing assignment of “every Friday”, there are going to be times where you are scrambling around in your own mind to try and find something deep and meaningful to report. But there is nothing.
Sometimes, there is nothing. Just life.
And that is neither a good or bad thing. In fact, most things are neither good or bad things. They are just things. At least, that is how I see it. Sometimes, there are a lot of words, and other times, there aren’t. Sometimes there are things going on in your world that you can’t necessarily talk about in a public forum, because other people’s emotions and privacy are involved, so you are limited with what you can say. Or sometimes, your life is in a holding pattern, and you are smack in the middle of a lot of transitions – but those transitions haven’t actually happened yet, so there’s not much to report about them.
Sometimes, there are no profound words for a thing.
Sometimes, there is Just Life.
In my life, here are some thoughts I AM having right now, in the interest of writing SOMETHING in here for all of you. These thoughts may be scattered and unconnected, but they are just thoughts. This is what Im thinking right this minute, today:
Yesterday was the first day of fall. I love fall. Its my favorite season. This year, I am extra happy about it, because Im finally in a place where I can fully love things that I used to love again, and that is an amazing feeling.
Monday will be birthday. I will turn 45 years old. It will be the 6th time I have aged another year without my husband. And Im only one year away from being the same age he was when he suddenly died. And then after that , I will be older than he ever was, because he will be forever 46. When that happens, it will be all kinds of weird. I don’t really like thinking about it.
Monday night is also the first Presidential Debate, which will be held at Hofstra University, only 20 minutes from where I live. Because the debate is on my birthday, I tried getting tickets, because I thought it might be fun and surreal to be there in person for something like that – but all the tickets are going to Hofstra students. Boo! My birthday wish is to see Hillary wipe the floor with Trump and his ridiculous self, but we’ll see what happens.
On Thursday, Ill be flying to Toronto, Canada, to give my comedic presentation at Camp Widow. This will be my 3rd time doing so in Toronto, and my 10th time in total. It has become a huge part of my life, these presentations, and these healing and beautiful weekends that happen at camp. Im excited to see my widowed family – these people are much too special and dear to me to just call them “friends.” No. They are more. Out of our collective pain and loss, we grew a family.
The weekend after that, I will be flying to Ohio to attend the wedding of one of these dear and wonderful family members. Beth is one of the first widowed people I ever knew when this happened to me, and knowing that she found love again and is getting remarried, and that I will be there to witness it – its a beautiful thing. Truly.
After all of that, I will be spending the rest of this calendar year enjoying each and every NYC moment, because after that, I will be leaving for who knows how long, to stay with my parents and finally finish writing my book. My emotions about this are off the charts. All of the things, the people, I will be leaving – it is heart-wrenching. But at the same time, I know it is what needs to be done. I need to leave NYC for awhile, before NYC swallows me whole. It is the right thing, but holy shit, is it ever hard ……
So, as you can see, I really didnt have all that much to say today.