It is so very difficult trying to explain to someone who doesn’t know – what Soaring Spirits International and their biggest program, Camp Widow -means to me. Camp Widow is something that you simply cannot comprehend until you have been there inside the environment. And yet, nobody would want to be in the position to be able to attend, because that…
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Missing You Always
Dear Mike, Do I have to say how much I miss you? Wherever you are, if you can hear me, you must know this, because I say it all the time. Speaking into the ether, perhaps into a void, not knowing if it is received on your end, but always imagining it is, hoping it is. I see signs from you. At least that is how I choose to interpret the birds…
Two Buckets~
What I knew instinctively as soon as Chuck died, and what I knew I had to immediately institute with myself and my body language, my behavior, my thinking. Even though my brain was fogged with devastation. Grief is isolating. Do every damn thing you can so that you can’t, you don’t, isolate. Whether you want to or not. Don’t isolate. …
Hit the Road
In about 36 hours, Shelby, Sarah and I are hitting the road. We’re not going to Texas, or the beach, or New York, or to visit my parents. We’re not planning this trip amongst anyone other than ourselves. I neither desired or solicited anyone else’s input with regards to our plans, other than Sarah and Shelby. We’re headed to the…
No One To Zip Me Up
I have recently discovered the latest in a list of annoyances caused by being a … (I still choke on the word “widow”) … alone. As I write this post I am preparing to board a plane tomorrow for San Diego … Widows Camp. There. I said it. I don’t fly back in until Sunday night so I have to write the post early. I’m sure that many of…
Her Song Lives On
Last week, I wrote about having a wonderfully ungraceful meltdown from trying to take on and figure out just a bit too much all at once in this new life of mine. In the past week, I’ve slowed WAY down. I’ve stopped making overwhelming to-do lists. I’ve let myself wander and enjoy things. I’ve gone for morning walks and tried to focus on…
Here I Stand
Yesterday, August 9th, would have been our 18th wedding anniversary. Can it really be so long since that day we said our vows on that beach in Maui? He died before we made 14. I hear of people married 25 years, 40 years, 55 years…we never got that. But I am grateful for the years we did have. Believe me. One of Mike’s best friends died…
On the Road Life and Loneliness~
Do you get lonely out on the road? That question has come my way numerous times in the 4 years and 3 months that I’ve traveled the country on my Odyssey of Love. The simple and quick answer is yes. It’s incredibly lonely. It’s a loneliness that permeates down to my bones, head to toe. Even sitting here, typing this blog, an immediate image…
Forget to Remember
This past Sunday, August 6th, would have been Megan and I’s 12th anniversary. Sarah, Shelby and I were camping, with Sarah’s sister, and as the morning light (and two dogs) woke me up, I immediately noted the significance of the date. Then I crawled out of the tent, took care of the dogs, and made some coffee. As I sat down for that first,…
Trip Down Memory Lane
This week my daughter and I caught the ferry over to The Sunshine Coast in southern BC and toured Gibsons and Sechelt. Gibsons was home to the filming of the television show “The Beachcombers” from 1972 to 1990. It was also the first hometown to Wendy and Ben from 1993 to 1997. It’s where we lived when we got married, it’s where we…
Hitting the Wall
This past week, I was hopeful about beginning to make some positive shifts in my life. About trying to focus more on the joys of life. I had some glimmer of the sort of energy and zest I used to have. Unfortunately, that didn’t last. Instead, I found myself in a state of overwhelm, to the point of having an anxiety attack on Monday – which…
Losing Pieces of You
When someone you love dies, you don’t lose them all at once. You lose them little by little. Breathe by breathe. Fragment by fragment. You lose them hour by hour. Minute by minute. Month by month. Year by lengthy year. It doesn’t happen all at once. It doesn’t ever NOT happen. Pieces of that person, that life, fall away as time goes…