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On the Road Life and Loneliness~

Posted on: August 9, 2017 | Posted by: Alison Miller

Do you get lonely out on the road?

That question has come my way numerous times in the 4 years and 3 months that I’ve traveled the country on my Odyssey of Love.

The simple and quick answer is yes.

It’s incredibly lonely.  It’s a loneliness that permeates down to my bones, head to toe.

Even sitting here, typing this blog, an immediate image comes to mind, of a long, long, 2 lane road stretching ahead of me for miles and miles.  I occasionally pass through small towns with maybe a single stop light.  I wonder, every time, how they continue to exist, in the middle of nowhere.

I can feel the hot wind on my arm, braced on the open window.  The sunroof is open.  Tunes play; songs that Chuck and I listened to, tunes that are new since his death…

Sitting here, I can feel the loneliness of the broad plains of Kansas and Missouri, the cornfields of Indiana and Illinois, see the foothills of the Rocky Mts in the far distance as I reach Colorado, or loop and dip as I chug up the hills of New Mexico…the beauty of this country demands a response.  It always engendered awe and thrills for me, as Chuck and I traveled.

Now?  Yeah, it’s lonely.

So why do I continue doing this?  Why keep driving and driving if the loneliness is so searing?

It’s simple, really.

The alternative is settling down by myself, without Chuck, and the loneliness of that is unfathomable to me.  I don’t know where I’d settle down, how I’d manage it financially or emotionally…the concept is completely foreign to me.  I would be lonelier than ever and I know it.  The loneliness is a part of me now, and better, I believe, to be on the road with it, than stationary with it.

What I know, alongside the loneliness, is that I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.  Being on the road gives me an opportunity to meet new people every day, push my comfort zones every day, challenge my boundaries every mile, and focus on what this life of mine, without him, is about.

Love.

Love remembered, love lived, love shared, a love story carried with me in my heart, and opportunities to share that Love story as people draw to me because of all the pink that surrounds me.

An Odyssey of Love.  In pink.  Living the Love left behind for me, by Chuck, and drawing Love to me each mile, fueled and energized by those I meet on the road.

In spite of the loneliness, I choose this on the road life.

And maybe, maybe, maybe, the day will come, as my pink car and trailer chug along, that I’ll finally feel Chuck’s presence.

Maybe…

Categories: Uncategorized

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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