Summer is winding down and I have no idea where the time went. And when I say I have no idea, I mean it both figuratively and literally. Figuratively, because the time has flown by as it always does, and literally because I cannot remember what I did for the last two months. Honestly. I feel like my brain doesn’t work anymore at all. Is…
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Always Surprise Yourself
I think one of the hardest things about losing people we love, is that in a way, we lose a part of our own history when they die. Or at least, we lose one of our living, breathing connections to that history. Without those connections to the history of ourselves, I’m learning it can be easy to get lost. I think this has been especially hard…
Everything and Nothing
It’s one of those days where my thoughts are everywhere, nowhere, and make no sense. Just a jumble of strange randomness. The kind of thoughts where you can’t sleep, because you can’t stop thinking. But you don’t really know what on earth you are thinking about. Everything and nothing. That’s what I’m thinking about.I miss my husband,…
This Terrible Club
Do you want to know the best thing that happened to me since my husband died? Meeting other widows. When I realized I was a widow…the day he died…it floored me. It felt unreal. Surreal. It occurred to me, sitting at our dining room table, with that female police officer asking me about other kin, the firefighters in the bedroom with…
Widowmaker
I was planning, this morning, to write about the total solar eclipse that Sarah, Shelby and I witnessed just a week ago. As we sat on the banks of the Oconoluftee River in North Carolina, at the foot of the Smoky Mountains and watched the sun disappear, I was speechless, awed, and felt transcendent. That was the plan, at least. We had a family…
Musings about life and guilt. Mostly guilt.
Two years ago on August 31, 2015, Ben wrote these words on our personal blog … “My visits to the BC Cancer Agency only serve to re-enforce my suspicions that by this time next year I’ll be nothing but a memory to everyone. A fond one perhaps, but only a memory. Don’t get me wrong, the people at the BCCA are very kind and helpful but they…
Aftermath
The past few days have been exhausting. As hurricane Harvey slammed into my hometown area – a whole flood of emotions has rained down on me. Mike and I have been glued to the news nonstop. Houston is now getting catastrophic flooding. Many, many people are still missing and unaccounted for in the worst areas. It is torture to watch it all from so…
Parallel Lives
Six years after my beloved husband’s sudden death, I finally found love again. I am deeply, madly, passionately, in love. It is wonderful. It is terrifying. It is crazy weird. Being in love with two men. Im not into bigamy. Im not even into threesomes. But really, truly …. that’s what this is. A threesome. But not the kinky…
Sorry Too Late
You know that feeling when you walk into a store and see something your beloved late spouse would have liked and for a brief moment, you think, I should get that for him…and then you remember, he’s not here anymore. I went into Costco this week to pick up a few things, and that happened…again. I saw a pair of shorts he would have loved.
You will totally get this…
Alison sent me the following message about her blog post for today. I knew you’d all so get her frustration, so I’ve decided to post what she sent me, and send her some words of understanding and encouragement for when her computer is working once again. We love you, Alison!Hi Michele,I can’t write my blog tonight. I think my laptop has a virus or…
A Waste of Worry
Last week I was anxious and annoyed (raging, actually) over the seemingly endless list of things I thought I could not do without Ben. At the time, the top of my list of stressors was the fact that I was headed off to Camp Widow where I would be attending a Saturday night Masquerade Ball, and I realized there was no one to zip up my dress. It…
Common Ground
This morning is actually Tuesday. It’s a cool, quiet morning… the kind that lends itself to some introspection. Mike, Shelby and I will be headed to the mountains in 2 days, to explore the Smokies and watch the Eclipse. Service down there will be sketchy, hence the early writing time this week. Maybe it’s the trip coming up, or my friend…