Did you ever feel so consumed by your own grief that you have forgotten that others grieve too? That they grieve not only for the loss of your spouse, who may have been a friend to them, but possibly they grieve also for other people that you may know absolutely nothing about? Do you find that during this time of all consuming grief, you have…
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What if…
Do our souls live on when the body dies? It’s one of the biggest questions widowed people will be faced with on their journey… and anyone who has been faced with death. We all find our own answers in our own ways to this. For some of us, it is our belief in a religion or faith. For others, it is confirmation from a medium who brings us clear…
Counting Life
Yesterday was my 3 month anniversary. 3 months ago yesterday, I chose love again. 3 months ago yesterday, I let love in. 3 months ago yesterday, I faced the terror that I could very well lose this person that I love all over again, and I decided that loving him was worth that pain. 3 months ago yesterday, I began my next great love…
In My Heart
When this posts I will be in England with my musician boyfriend. We didn’t go last year…it’s just so darned pricey, getting all the way over there from Hawaii. But his mom is sick. Cancer. So we are going. She actually lives in Wales in a very small town where he grew up. But we are arranging a few days visiting various castles (castles…
Triangles and Shapes and Pillows~
My fingers lightly grazed your arm, Hairs tickling sensitive tips They slid along your shoulders, Feeling their breadth and strength. My hips tucked themselves into yours, As we slept. Your arm curled behind your back To pull me more snugly into you. Our bodies tucked and curved into one another, one passion filled night after another. Toes…
I’m an ADULT!
As I write this, Sarah is cruising at 30,000 feet over Indiana. She’s en-route to Chicago, then Phoenix to spend 6 days with Drew’s mother at a conference. We woke up early this morning to get her to the airport, then for me to get Shelby to school and myself on to work. For the next week, I’m back to basics. I’m effectively a…
An Honest Love Letter: Saint-Onge style
I was scrolling through my personal blog recently, because I like reading what I wrote while Ben was still alive. Re-reading my words allows me to remember certain days with clarity. For a moment I can close my eyes and feel myself back in my real life when Ben was alive. And even though those days were terrible for him (pain, chemo, radiation,…
Fear & Appreciation
For whatever reason, today, I have this fear that something horrible is going to happen, or that something horrible IS happening that I don’t know about. It may be all the horrible stuff going on with hurricanes and now earthquakes… the edginess that all of that upheaval in so many people’s lives. The anxiety that I had just a few weeks ago…
Anxiety
This new version of life. This life that exists in the now. The one where my husband, is no longer my husband, by law. Because he is dead. And you can’t be married to a dead person. By law. You might still FEEL married, like I did, for almost 4 years, after his death. You might feel as if even looking at another man is…
Another Day
I have a lot going on these days. In the past year, things have speeded up for me. I am working on a new career, and further schooling to that end started this week, as the first course is ending. Working another job in the meantime. And looking at the inevitable change that will come when the house goes. Amidst all of that are the quiet…
Simple Words, Again.
I don’t really have any words this week. I miss my husband more than any words can convey. The more time passes, the more months go by, the more deeply embedded his absence from my life becomes. If I were to write a full blog this week, it would consist of I miss you, I miss you, I miss you over and over and…
Beginning of the End
I am 36 years old. Soon to be 37. Although I’ve held the titles of Marine (6 years), Lifeguard (3 years), Father (10 years), Widower (3 years), Husband (9 years), Boyfriend (9 years, cumulatively), and Student (13 years…I never went to college), the title that has been with me the longest, up to this day, is “Employee” (21 years). I…