So much of our lives are built upon expectations. We plan our higher education based on the expectation that we can have a career doing what we love. We raise children on the expectation that they will succeed even beyond what we ourselves as parents have achieved. We marry, with the expectation that our partner will be there by our side…
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Live Life
Live life. Good advice, right? I have always liked to pass that piece of advice onto my kids whenever I had the opportunity. “Take time off before University. Go see the world. Live your life while you can.” That’s what we used to say to them. We had all sorts of tidbits of advice which included, “Happiness is a choice, so choose…
I Get It Now, and I’m Sorry
Lately, I have been finding myself in situations that I have been in before, except this time, Im in the situation as the other person, and the other person is my forever dead husband. The other night, I found myself sitting in his recliner chair, and talking to him in a whisper, which I do from time to time, and I was saying: “I get it now. And…
Junk Mail – Repost
While I am away I am reposting a blog from 2014. This still happens too. Today I grabbed the mail from the mailbox, saw it was mostly junk, and tossed it on the floor of my car as I sped off downtown for a few errands. Stopped at a stoplight I looked down and noticed a flyer from our local vision center which said brightly, we miss seeing you!…
Yeah, I’m Good With it~
But don’t you want to be happy? Don’t you owe it to your kids to remember you as happy? Life is supposed to be happy. Maybe you’re depressed. Don’t you want to be happy? You’ve heard the same questions and comments. I know you have. Because you’re a widow/er just like me and you are surrounded by similar people. Or, if you’re public…
Onward and Upward
“The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step” – Lao Tzu It’s true. It the most literal sense, one cannot achieve a goal, or complete a journey, without taking a step towards the goal. No matter how trivial a task may seem, this quote is meant to bring perspective that even the most inconsequential of actions is needed to…
Happy Anniversary, Ben The Titan
At the time of this writing it is September 24th. Today is my 23rd wedding anniversary. I know that everyone out there reading this post can understand that this is a difficult week for me. I miss Ben beyond measure every single day, but on our anniversary, well, that’s one of the tougher ones. I wrote an anniversary letter to Ben on my…
The Question to Ask our Pain
Five years ago this week, I turned 30. My fiance had died just 3 months before, suddenly, and I was a field of shrapnel spread out for miles upon miles. That week five years ago, I decided not to give up my 30th birthday. I decided instead to honor it, because I would only turn 30 one time and I still deserved honoring. With that, Drew’s mom and…
The Echo
So, I apoligize ahead of time for the sheer laziness of this, but my brain cannot think of even ONE thing to say today, and so I figured a good thing to do would be to re-post a poetry piece that I posted in here a couple of yearss ago. It is ssomething I think will resonate always, that feeling of that empty space where they used to be , and how…
It’s Complicated – Repost
While I am away, I am reposting a blog from 2014. Interesting how some things never change. Recently I’ve had people say to me, when they learn I’ve been widowed, well, you know he’ll always be with you. I know they say that with all the best intentions…and in a way, I agree, because yes, he will always be in my heart. But it’s not as easy as…
Never Have I Ever~
How about…let’s play a possibly desperate game of Never Have I Ever… Or, conversely, Never Did I Ever… Never have I ever… Felt this level of loneliness and aloneness, no matter where I am, whether I’m surrounded by others, no matter what I’m doing.Never did I ever… Imagine that I would ever, could ever, live without you for 4 years…
A Message from Before Beyond
“My husband and I have only been married 5 years, I need more time to show him how much I truly love him. I want my lifetime with him. I want the fighting, and loving. He has stayed by me though everything, even when it gets so frustrating I could give up. Though we both are frustrated by my disease, he has never let that break us. He won’t give…