It is now Wednesday evening, late. Close to midnight I guess. By the time you read this, it will be Friday sometime. That is my scheduled time to write each week, so this will be pre-set to publish on that day. I will be in Toronto, Canada, attending and presenting at Camp Widow. There wont be much time to get online or to write blogs. So…
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This Particular and Peculiar Sense of Non-being~
There is a particular and peculiar loneliness of the sort that cannot be imagined for its’ overwhelming and enveloping totality, that strikes me when I am in a crowded room with those who are familiar to me, or not. It’s a loneliness whose depth is equal to the surge of desire I would feel as I rose on my tiptoes to meet Chuck’s lips in a…
Ramble On
On February 5th, 2015, I wandered into a Hotel in Tampa, Florida, not quite sure if I was supposed to be there. I had lost Megan less than three months prior, and I hadn’t honestly accepted the fact that I was now a Widower. In the year leading up to it, I had spent more time sitting next to my dying wife than anything else. Like many of…
Don’t Take The Boy
Last Monday was just an average day. I had some running around to do and appointments to attend. A pre Vegas hair colour, a dentist appointment… that sort of thing. Nothing too crazy or anxiety inducing, and the panic I tend to experience on the daily remained at a reasonable low for the most part. I ended the day by attending a relaxing yoga…
Just a Cup of Coffee
Some days, it catches you breathless. The missing. The longing to know them now. The desire to share your life today with them. The wish to be able to just sit down at the coffee shop together and chat… There’s so much going on right now So much good So much growth That I wish I could share I wish we could look across a table at one another…
Melpomene and Thalia
It’s sometimes strange being in new places with people we both knew and loved yet knowing I’m the only one there. I examined the pastel painted walls of my parents’ new home, a reward of long, strenuous years of hard work and determination. It’s just another one of many places, many things Linzi will never be here to witness or…
Life Goes On
Awhile back, pretty early on in my loss, I remember some person responding to my utter turmoil, deep grief, and endless sobbing fits, with this gem: “Well, life goes on!” In that moment, I can recall feeling and thinking several things. A: Fuck you. B: Yeah, no shit. Tell me something I dont already know, you condescending ass. C: How DARE…
With a Smile
Like a freight train, time is bullying its way forward. Come February, which feels just around the corner, I will have been five years without Mike. I sit here in his chair on the lanai we shared in this house, looking down on the ocean view he loved so dearly, wondering how that is possible. Because in this moment, and so many others, it feels…
Ghost Dancing into Our Forever~
I will sing you to me. As the days and moments and years pass by, I will sing you to me. As I gaze up at the mighty Universe each night, From wherever my pink trailer happens to park, I will sing you to me.As my heart wanders this land, Seeking you, not finding you But wishing desperately to connect with you and to you, Somewhere, anywhere,…
Vows
I take thee, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, until death do us part. If he only knew what those vows mean. He does though. He always will. Last Saturday, I stood as a groomsman at the very same altar where I was married to Megan.
Tattoos And Zippers
As I sit here thinking about what I want to write, I am struck by the fact that I don’t really want to write about Ben specifically. That’s a first. I had a pretty good week overall, and despite going it alone I was still able to find some joy. Last weekend was the start of several busy days in a row which left little time for grief to rear…
Knowing Them Deeper after Death
Today is my Dad’s birthday. It’s hard to believe he died 8 years ago. That eight entire years have passed, and so much more living has happened for me, since he died. It’s hard to believe I’ve been without any parents now for eight years. But it’s amazing to see where things have gone in my life since his death. Not only the good, but…