Last night we were sitting in the restaurant and there was a table of four boys sitting across the aisle from us. They were being a little too loud for comfort. Without missing a beat, Lila turns to them and yells, “Hey! Be quiet!” I quickly tried to quiet Lila down because I didn’t want to cause a scene and young boys are prone to…
Five Years My Love
My Dear Linzi, Five Years, my love. Five Years. We would’ve been married five years today. Yet another milestone you won’t be able to see or celebrate with me. What would we have done? Where would I have taken you? Who would’ve watched Lila that night? Would I have cooked for you? All questions that will forever remain unanswered and…
Fierce Love
I am a man of many flaws, one filled with an array of imperfections. In some eyes, I shouldn’t be standing yet here I am. Doing so. I thought about Linzi. About how much she wanted to be a mother to that beautiful little girl asleep in the other room as I write this. I thought about what she would’ve wanted for her. I thought about all…
Detachment
I’ve never been so detached as I am currently. Since Linzi’s left, the landscape of the dating world and my approach to it has endured a complete facelift. I’m not sure quite yet if that’s a good or bad thing. Right now, I’m only thinking of myself. Casual sex has never been a concept to me. It is now. I’ve always been…
A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
I’ve never kept many friends. My circle has changed from year to year. It changed drastically after Linzi passed away. In that regard, I’ve always considered myself a lone wolf. The main reason being that more often than not they end up letting me down, not coming through on promises, or it could be that I’ve done the same and redemption…
Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum
I sat somberly in an empty hotel room, swirling the rum around the cheap glass, sipping occasionally, all while gazing out onto a view I wasn’t deserving of. Today is only the beginning to a great many things still left for life to lend me. To me, it’s a step squarely somewhere I never pictured myself even a year ago. It’s interesting…
Anxiety: A Poem
I don’t wanna spend my nights with you anymore. I can’t sleep when I sleep with you. But you won’t leave this bed, It should’ve been someone else instead Laying next to me In ignorant bliss and love that never once strayed from the awestruck wonder of its infancy…
All Paths Lead Somewhere
Some days I just lay there. Or sit there. Or stand there. In silence. I get lost in feeling numb. Patience was never my strong suit. And it’s a difficult thing to be patient when everything has felt so empty for so long and all you desire is to fill whole again. I can see that light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a very long…
Nothing is Necessary
Depression is a tricky thing. You never really know when it will happen. It just creeps up on you. At least, that’s what it did to me this week. I miss my wife, but that wasn’t the catalyst this time. Or maybe it was. I’m not sure. All I know is that I was down. For whatever reason. Unmotivated to do anything. Existing…
Indifference
Do things ever really work out? This Valentine’s Day put me at pause with that thought as I lay dying, staring at the neutral-colored walls of my bedroom while listening to the sounds of silence in an ever-enclosing prison of flu-ridden paralysis. Time stood still. When it does so, my mind agonizes and over-analyzes. The past. The…
A Hard Battle
Life is a merry-go-round.I’m just riding it until I fall down. I’ve learned that widowed status does not create saints or good people. Good people aren’t created from loss. They can be, but the choice is always available every second of every day. It’s not loss that makes us good or bad people. It’s our choices. We can use that…
Much ado About Nothing
Nothing. I’d love to think about nothing. There’s a theory that men can compartmentalize their thoughts and there’s one compartment specifically for nothing. Either that’s a myth or the universe has played a very cruel trick on me. I long to turn my mind off. To sleep is struggle. It was, even before she left me. Now? Near…