With hindsight, I know that there is no way I could have better prepared for what has been required of me since Mike died. Widowhood is something you have to live to fully understand. There is no way to adequately explain this life in words. It is something that has to be experienced first hand to be comprehended. This being the case,…
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An Unexpected Return Home
Well I made it. I made it through the first wedding since Tin passed only two months ago and it was followed by the next day being the first Father’s Day without my father. There were times I couldn’t hold back the tears and times I couldn’t catch my breath. I felt like a stranded fish. How ironic to be a crying stranded fish that needs salt…
And What Are the Chances of That?
Another school related story today. So much seems to come up at work. One more week and I’m on holidays though so this might be the last one for now! Our last unit in Math is on probability. The expectation for the grade ones is that they need to understand and identify scenarios that are certain, impossible, likely, and unlikely. Do you see…
The New Crew
Tomorrow, Wednesday, is officially the beginning of “Drewfest” 2018. It’s an annual summer get-together of Drew’s friends, usually taking place somewhere in Texas, with the specific goal of having a fun weekend together as if he was still around, yet remembering he’s not. It’s a great endeavor, and one that in and of itself should…
My Favorite Song
Music was always playing in both our homes. And, now there are certain songs that bring me back to a better place in time. A time, when Mike was alive. A time, when I was in love with a man who stood before my eyes. Our familiar songs take me back to a place in time where he exists. A time, when he breathed life and love into me. A time,…
Waiting in the Wings
This past week was the 6th anniversary of his death. I wrote last week about this, and what would have been our 9th anniversary together the week before. I will always hate that these two dates are a week apart. It’ll always piss me off to have to have my anniversary of celebrating our love so closely linked to when he died. But it is what it is…
Navigating My New Normal
It’s been 7 shorts weeks since I lost my Partner of 4 yrs. – Clayton, or as my family calls him “Tin”. Right now I am sitting, ironically, at the Atlanta airport on a layover to go home to Boston for my cousin’s wedding. Tin and I met in Atlanta and left the city to move to the beach, get married and make a life. Everyone has been…
All the Responsibilities
The last little bit has been very busy for me. I have report cards due at school tomorrow and I’ve been sick (again). I’m finally getting over it but I’ve fallen behind in the things I need to do. So I’m writing this at 10:00 pm at night, just after finishing report cards, which is not like me but I haven’t had any other time. Not to…
Your Death, My Amnesia
You exist in my world in all the ways you existed when you breathed the air that I breathed. And none of them. Your image is finally strong again in my mind and heart. I didn’t remember it for almost 5 years. I didn’t feel you. I didn’t see you. You disappeared from me that night you took your last breath. The night I took my last breath, in…
A Friend I Never Knew
As luck would have it, today is Tuesday, my day to post my rambling here on Soaring Spirits. It is also the 6th anniversary of Drew’s crash, and the 4th trip around the sun since I began getting to know him. Through stories told by Sarah, his parents, and his friends, I’ve made a friend…a sort of widow pen-pal, in a way. It’s odd,…
Single Seat
My son graduated on Friday. It was a good day. His graduation is not about grief. But, just like everything in my life, his graduation got me thinking about Mike. And, I feel incredibly guilty because not everything has to do with Mike. Except that it does – for me. I purposefully avoided social media this weekend because I didn’t want…
Twice as Long and Loving On
Yesterday would have been my 9th anniversary with my fiance. Instead, we got 3 years. Instead, it was my 6th anniversary without him, and a reminder that I’ve now been without him for twice as long as I was with him. I didn’t even think about those numbers leading up to this week… it wasn’t until the day hit that I realized it was twice as long.