Which part of me do I trust? This is me in grief’s low spaces. Grief stricken. Broken. Vulnerable to pain. Feeling useless. What good is a broken bridge? Can I trust the broken parts of me? This is me in grief’s growing places. Evidence of my brokenness is visible. Yet I […]
Widowed
“I want to give your kids the world.”
As the twins’ birthday trip nears I have found myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions. More so than normal. Any time I’m getting ready for a trip I find myself thinking of Erik more often than I already do. So why do I continue to do it? Because traveling also makes me feel closest […]
Future Inquiries
“Are we going to get a stepdad?” my then 7-year-old asked me. It had been less than one month since Tony died. Like all deep questions posed by children, this one was at bedtime. It was a question for which I was unprepared. I do remember stumbling through an answer. If my widow memory is […]
Incomplete Grief
I recently came across the term, incomplete grief. The definitions of incomplete grief vary widely from not confronting or not willing to confront feelings of grief to feeling stuck in time and unable to grieve properly. I feel like a lot of us compartmentalize grief—put it up on a shelf so we can attend to […]
Reel Therapy Repeat is Still Good Medicine
What is Reel Therapy? Gary Solomon’s popular book of the same name suggests that movies can be a therapeutic tool for our lives. A friend of mine gave me this book a long time ago and I pulled it out recently with an instinct that it might be helpful. “In order for cinema therapy to […]
Bookmarked
The last few weekends have been so busy for us. Part of it has been trying to fit in all our fall traditions before we leave for the twins yearly birthday trip and the other part was trying to keep up with our daily lives. As the start of the ‘ber months began it just […]
Sick and Solo
It was bound to happen. For four years I have managed to avoid contracting Covid, but that changed last week. When Tony first passed in 2021, I worried about it a lot. How would I manage taking care of the boys while taking care of myself? Where would it be best to quarantine? Could someone […]
Imagining Life Today
Perspective. Do you ever have trouble getting your head around the fact that your person is not here? I pause when typing those words because what does “not here” even mean? Not here, even when I can call him up in my mind in a millisecond? Not here, when his footprints show up on the […]
The Impossible Question
Lately, I’ve been really struggling with figuring out an answer to “the question”. The question that I keep dreading in the back of my head each day. The question that the twins keep asking more and more of as the days go by. What happened to Daddy? As they get older I feel the anxiety […]
Time
Welp. I wrote this last week and must have forgotten to hit the publish button. Goodness me. So here it is, a week late. In her book, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin writes, “The days are long, but the years are short.” I haven’t read her book, so I don’t know the full context in […]
The Gift of Widowed People
On the Road! Last week, I promised a story about a group of widowed folk actively plotting a road trip to (wait for it!) a Pop-Up Camp Widow in Seattle April 2025! Adventure looms! Dreaming opens the door to ideas! Our excavation of ideas now begins! But first, what is a Soaring Spirits Regional […]
As the Seasons Change
A repost as we get into the holiday season! The reality of the seasons changing is hitting me a little differently this year. This past week we took our family photos for the upcoming season and it was the first true holiday photo session I had joined in with the twins since Erik’s passing. It […]