Gary Solomon’s popular book of the same name suggests that movies can be a therapeutic tool for our lives. A friend of mine gave me this book a long time ago and I pulled it out recently with an instinct that it might be helpful.
“In order for cinema therapy to truly exist the filmmaker must have an internal search, question or problem to solve inside himself that relates with the rest of humanity… — Anghelo Taylor, from the Cinema Therapy Manifesto
Reel Therapy: How Movies Inspire You to Overcome Life’s Problems, by Gary Solomon
Dan and I often enjoyed watching a good movie together. In my new life without him I find myself watching movies to pass time.
If you research the movies, you’ll get the plot and full cast of characters, but for this post, I mention things I noticed in each movie from my perspective as a new widow of four months.
The Meddler, with Susan Sarandon
Susan is one of my favorite actors and this Netflix movie did not disappoint. It carried its deeper message through the lens of comedy, sometimes bringing a moment of laughter right on the heels of a moment with tears.
Marnie (played by Susan Sarandon) avoided speaking of her grief. She kept busy filling her life with distractions, the main one being her daughter. We see the daughter continually trying to create boundaries that her mother crosses over without seeming to notice.
The camera zeroes in on Marnie’s grief in moments when she’s alone, staring at the ceiling fan, or crying in a private moment.
In Marnie’s faraway looks I see myself in my life right now, feeling like a stranger in my own life and trying to figure out how to find my way.
The most tender moment for me is when Marnie tries to move forward with scattering her husband’s ashes.
“I’m sorry, Joey, but this is the best I can do.
A widow hopes to honor her husband. In keeping with this film’s beautiful timing with sorrow and joy, the moment directly following, which I will not reveal here, is perfection in every way.
Carol, (Blythe Danner), locked her grief in a vault and threw away the key. Carol put off processing her grief. When her dog, Hazel, needed to be put down the grief rushed in. Add to this the shock of an errant rat that shows up intermittently, causing her to sleep on her patio. Her nervous system was completely on edge.
Watching Carol, twenty years out from her loss, I related to her desire to continue with life on her own terms. Living small. Not asking for much.
Blythe, as Carol, kept us waiting to see what was truly beneath the surface. Life is worth taking risks, but oh — life can be brutal at times.
Excellent film that takes its time to bring us to deep waters.
Hampstead, with Diane Keaton
Emily Walters (played by Diane Keaton) is a widow whose husband died, leaving her struggling financially.
I appreciate how the writers risked giving this character complicated circumstances of both financial hardship and the pain of infidelity that was never resolved before her husband passed. In the beginning of the film, we are introduced to an inauthentic Emily in superficial relationships with wealthy women who were formally part of her married life. We watch as she regains her authenticity, finds her voice, and her boundaries, again.
The film spoke to me about the crisis of identity that steals my confidence in myself. Who am I now? I sensed that Emily was asking herself that same question.
The film sought depth from another direction; that being the story of a man who was a squatter and was being terrorized for his isolated life. Enter widow and plot thickens.
Grab some popcorn and dive into Reel Therapy!
You’re welcome!
This post originally published just four months after my husband’s death in 2021.
About Kathie Neff
Kathie Neff was widowed on April 15, 2021. She and her beloved husband, Dan, were high school sweethearts and enjoyed dancing and riding horses together. They lived in gratitude, hope and forgiveness for 50 years and nine months when Dan passed quietly late at night, surrounded by their seven children who, with Kathie, were caring for him in their family home.
Dan and Kathie have been a part of Camp Widow and Soaring Spirits International since its inception, as members of Michele Neff Hernandez’s cadre of helpers from the Neff family.
Kathie believes strongly in the strength and bond that is the gift of community and brings a heart of love for all who have been affected by death and dying.
