I’ve been in Texas on vacation for a few weeks, hence my absence here. I have however been waiting to share something very special that happened while we were down there. If you’re new here, I lost my fiance Drew 7 years ago in a crash. I am now engaged to a widower, Mike, and we have this new little blended family together with his daughter…
Widowed & Unmarried
Adding it All Up~
April 21, 2013. 11:21 pm. It all stopped at that moment. He took a quick breath in. So did I. And that was it.And the clock continued ticking. It ticked into today. June 25, 2019. 194,915,716 seconds. 3,248,595 minutes. 54,143 hours. 2,255 days. 322 weeks. 74 months. 6 years. Time is relentless, isn’t it? It continues on, no matter what. Same as…
Thinking, and Overthinking~
What do you think about happiness? The possibility for it, in widowhood, I mean. And has the word changed in meaning for you since the death of your person? Do you even know what it means in this life after?I don’t know what happiness or joy means in this life. It certainly isn’t what it used to be when Chuck was alive. When I felt easy,…
This Uncertain Terrain~
This landscape of widowhood. Of grief. The Alaskan tundra. The Sahara Desert. The Austrailian Outback. Every side road in between cities and towns. This parched landscape of devastation. This existence of one where there was once two. I picture nothingness in the midst of these tundras and deserts. Nothingness under bright blue skies and a sun so…
Numbers Again~
On May 29 I celebrated 10 years of fulltiming on the open road. The first 4 were with my beloved husband, Chuck. The last 6 have been solo. Widowed. Wishing for it to be different, and living it fully, at the same time. Living on the road in my little pink trailer, driving my pink car, this Odyssey of Love, is just what I do, and I don’t give a…
The Scariest Part of Surgery
This blog will be short because I had a lasik procedure this week and my eyes get tired quickly.I’ve never been one to be comfortable with eye stuff. I hate eye drops and the thought of contact lenses makes me cringe but I was so fed up with glasses that I decided to go through with the surgery and get it over with. As the day got closer, I got…
A Thousand Years Ago~
A thousand years ago I leaned down Placed my hands to each side of your sunken cheeks Closed my eyes, As yours were closed, And so very gently kissed your lips that had gone completely white As you took your last breath.A thousand years ago As I kissed your lips, As I’d kissed them thousands of times before This time now, for the last time… My…
Defiantly Defined
So this blog is a bit different than I usually write. This week I’ve been obsessed with terminology. Have you ever stopped for a minute and thought about words? Where did they come from? How they got their meaning and if they fit? Well it hit me this week that I HATE the terms widow and widower. I think the definitions are ridiculous and need to…
What Lies Within
It’s an interesting thing how people around you say they understand and they will be there for you. However when you have a tough day and they respond by saying: “I thought you said you were ok and moving on.” “I was ok that day but there are no rules to what’s going on in my heart and my head.” In all honesty I don’t know how to say…
Beginning my New Year~
My new year begins each April 21. That’s the date of Chuck’s death. It’s the only new year that carries any meaning for me. What do I care about January 1? April 21 is the day my life incinerated and I was eviscerated. So it stands to reason, at least in my mind, that this is the day where I look back, and, insofar as I’m able, look ahead.I knew,…
Small Screen Surprises
I had my sister and a friend in town this past week and it was wonderful. We had a great time relaxing and just enjoying each others’ company. All of us are working a side business together with a big company and doing very well. The company had recently reached out to me and asked me to host a local event. What an honor and what an amazing…
Questions. For Myself. For Others~
What does one do, 6 years after being widowed? Where do we stand? What does life mean in the here and now? Does the future finally carry meaning for us? Or is life simply one filled with questions? About ourselves, our lives, the life we lived, the life we have to live in the without…I always feel a vague sense of unease when I tell someone newly…