Life marches on so relentlessly. Dave’s memory fades as time passes. The way to make his memory stay clearer would be to pull out his pictures regularly and talk about him constantly. Doing these things can be comforting, but for me, they’ve also been incredibly painful. I talk to him still. I think about our life and our love. I look at pictures…
Widowed Effect on Family/Friends
Sticky Toffee
I’m on my way to pick up the kids at preschool and decide to stop at Panera to grab a decaf with extra, extra cream and no sugar. I wait in line thinking about all that I have accomplished in my kid-free two and a half hours when I hear the woman in front of me order a Sticky Toffee cookie. I’m transported back in time.I’m in England…
a better widow than me
Last night, I finally threw Jeff’s toothbrush in the trash. 3 years, 7 months and 22 days, since he used it to scrub his teeth clean. This action was precipitated a few days ago when I had spoken to a dear friend who is known for being outspoken and blunt. She doesn’t mean harm at all but is very Northern European in the delivery of her very strong…
They just don’t get it…
I make no secret of the fact that I want a permanent teaching gig at the kids’ school. I changed career a couple of years ago so that I could spend more time with my kids, and my aim has always been to work in a primary school, preferably the same one that the kids attend. But those jobs are hard to come by. So I took a position teaching maths…
“Our Struggle”
“We’ve all had our struggles…” And that’s when I stop listening. For her to throw the death of my husband, the life that I lead trying (and failing most of the time) to keep my head above water, for her to lump me in with someone’s divorce, or hospital stay or job loss (well….job loss maybe), for her to insinuate that being a young…
I’m Failing
I’m failing. No, not with mourning and recovery. That, my psychologist reassures me, I’m doing quite well with. In fact, he tells me that I’m doing extraordinarily well – best he’s seen. (Read the next word in your best dripping sarcasm voice:) Yaaaay! I’m failing at getting back into life.I’m just stuck and I don’t know how to get…
after.
it’s pure joy to see maddy with her auntie (liz’s sister), the two of them, as close as they would have been if… well, you know. …sometimes it’s the after that defines things, and after everything that’s happened, i’m happy that this she is such a big part of our after.
My Other Ring
About four months after Phil’s death, I returned to my nail salon for the first time since being widowed. As I sat in the chair trying to keep it together while idle chatter swirled around me, my manicurist looked up and asked if I was going to take off my rings. Absently I handed them to her (my engagement ring, my wedding ring, and Phil’s wedding…
in response to the old man in maryland.
the early worries, physical in nature, disappeared long ago. it’s impossible to know that she was born 7 weeks early, but now it’s the emotional that i most worry about. honesty is the route i’ve chosen with her, no stories, just facts, which (i believe) will be helpful later, but it doesn’t make now very easy. a few weeks ago…
Life is Messy ….
…… I originally wrote this post 4 months after Jim died ….. exactly one month before what would have been our 25th anniversary. What. Would. Have. Been. So very many “what would have beens’ over the past 3 years. Anyway, I was looking through some of my older posts and thought I’d share this one with you.I have heard it said that if you…
someone to watch over me
Recently, I was told of a widowed father who was married within one year of losing his wife. The story was told with the tones of scandal and betrayal. It was insinuated that if this poor man had truly loved his wife, he wouldn’t have remarried so quickly or ‘easily’. I have heard stories such as this a few times since Jeff died. I have…
Judging Grief
I’ve frequently thought over the past years that I was doing this whole grief thing wrong. Clearly I wasn’t sad enough, skinny enough, or laying in bed enough. I was also not happy enough, not moving forward quickly enough, and not dating anyone yet. Once I wasn’t so wrapped up in the actual grieving that I couldn’t see anything but my own shoes,…