This Thursday was World Suicide Prevention Day, which brought up a lot of mixed emotions for me. In the past 25 months since my husband’s death, I have grown and healed and taken many significant steps into my new life, however I don’t think I’ll ever reach the point where I stop wishing that I could have saved him. His depression was a…
Widowed by Suicide
The Tangible Taste of Missing Him
I’ve had a lot of those moments this week where the missing of Dan has been sharp and hard and tangible. I’m always conscious of him not being here – even when I’m laughing or having fun, there’s always that subtle sense of his absence. I never forget. However time has gently smoothed some of the corners so that the missing of…
I Don’t Know How You Do It
A few days ago I was chatting to a good friend of mine who recently lost a friend to cancer. This young man fought a long, hard battle, and left behind a huge community of friends and family who were missing him very much – including his newly-wedded wife. My friend told me about the steps she’d been taking to reach out to the young widow…
I Choose Love – Over and Over Again
My mum had a fairly serious surgery this week and has been staying with me in the city while she recovers. She’s ok, and we’re confident that she will be ok ‘long term’, but she’s had a rough time both physically and emotionally. One of the hardest things about being widowed is that I have this horrible intimate knowledge about how…
Widowed… without children
The past couple of months have been a bit unsettled for me, with our wedding anniversary in June and then Dan’s death anniversary in July. I’ve been so focussed on getting through this difficult patch that my 35th birthday, somewhere in the middle, passed by without too much of a fuss. I had a nice day and celebrated with family and…
The Anger isn’t as Important as the Love
Last weekend I attended the wedding of one of my husband’s closest friends. This happened to fall on the second anniversary of his funeral, and a week after his anniversary. I always knew it was going to be a difficult time. I knew it would hurt and bring up all kinds of triggers, sad thoughts and memories. But somehow, despite knowing…
Widow Bingo
Yesterday I had one of those encounters with people who REALLY don’t know what to say to a widow. You know the type, they rattle off every cliche in the book with very little understanding of what they’re actually talking about. Furthermore, they usually have zero ability to pick up on the fact that the words of sympathy and wisdom they are…
An Unexpected Reason to Smile
Yesterday marked the two year anniversary of the day I lost my husband to depression. It’s the hardest day of the year for me. I miss him always and there are obviously times that are harder than others, like our wedding anniversary, Christmas and birthdays. However while those days bring sadness, it’s his death anniversary that has me…
Second Year Milestones… and Counting
This coming Friday will be the second anniversary of my husband’s suicide. Two years. I can’t believe I made it this far. I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve kissed his sweet face and felt his hand in mine. I can’t believe a whole 24 months of my life has passed since that day I lost my innocence and saw first-hand that the…
The Sisterhood of the Travelling Widows
There is something so very unique and special about the friendships that form between widowed people. Last weekend I got to hang out with some of my favourite people – all widows who I’ve met since Dan’s death. We’ve bonded over our mutual understanding of what it’s like to live this nightmare – through many nights of teary phone…
My Week of Retreat
The quest for peace, acceptance and happiness after losing my husband to depression has taken me to some unexpected places. It has lead me travelling (around Australia to meet with other widows and to the USA to connect with Soaring Spirits at Camp Widow), encouraged me to try new things, forced me to open myself up to ideas about life and…
My Other Soul Mate
I’ve spent the past week at a holistic healing and yoga retreat in Bali, Indonesia and planned to tell you all about it today. It was an incredible week. I’m still processing everything that happened and trying to work out how to put it in to words. On top of that, my 6-hour flight home landed in Brisbane at 4:45am this morning so I…