Last week my kids started back at school. Building up to it, I didn’t feel overly anxious about Tony missing this milestone yet again. However, I didn’t have time to really process that part of it.

This year (and next) my boys will attend three different schools. So that is triple the number of back-to-school nights, newsletters, emails, and parent organizations to track. I am generally a very organized person, but I’ve already warned the kids they will need to help me. If they are supposed to wear purple or some other trivial tasks, they will need to be responsible for remembering that to-do.

For the first day, they still wanted to have their friends here for breakfast before walking to school. Since they are all starting school at different times, I hosted the kids and their families in waves for donuts. Hosting kept me busy the night before, picking up and getting everything prepped for a smooth morning. Wednesday morning, I had the donuts delivered saving me a last-minute run. Thank goodness for Dunkin’ Donuts and Doordash!

The high schoolers and middle schoolers came and went first. An hour later the elementary crew arrived, and they let us walk them to school. The adults wished the kids a great first day and took in the gift that is back to school. We always look forward to summer but at the end we’re equally ready to get back to a routine.

Everyone left and that’s when the quiet set in.

I realized this is the 3^rd back to school I’ve sent my kids off to since Tony died. Then I realized I only have 3 left with my oldest. Time is strange in grief, but it reminds me of how fleeting it is. There is still so much I want to show him of the world before he leaves to explore it on his own. My time to impart all my superior mother wisdom is fleeting. Although he is a teenager, so he probably already knows everything. I hope I remember how quickly it all passes the next time we annoy each other, and I grant us both a little grace. They grow up so fast.