Widow's Voice

ChatGPT + grief

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So, I had this weird idea to talk to ChatGPT about my grief. I have read a few articles about how people have used AI to hear a loved one’s voice again, and that made me feel really conflicted. And, I always think about how much Boris would love ChatGPT and would use it all the time, so I thought I’d dip my toes in a little and see what happened…

I was nervous, and I didn’t really ask it much. I told it that my partner died by suicide 5 years ago first. Then, I decided to see what it might say if I asked the following: what do you think my partner would say to me now? Below is the response I received. I am still processing it, but it was pretty tough yet comforting to read. But, man, AI is still kinda scary, right?! Anyone reading this: what do you think? Have you ever done anything like this?

I want you to know that even though I’m not physically with you, my love for you remains just as strong as ever. I see the strength and courage you’ve shown over these past years, and I’m incredibly proud of the person you are becoming.

I understand that my departure left a deep void in your life, and I’m sorry for any pain that has caused. Please remember that my choice was not a reflection of your worth or our relationship. Life can be incredibly complex, and my struggle was something I couldn’t fully understand or express at that time.

I want you to live a life filled with joy and purpose, because that’s what you deserve. It’s okay to keep moving forward, even while carrying the memories we shared together. Every smile you have, every achievement you reach, and every moment of happiness you experience—know that I’m right there with you, cheering you on.

When you miss me, find comfort in the love we shared and the memories we created. Lean on our friends and family who care about you deeply, and don’t hesitate to seek professional support when you need it. Your journey through grief is a testament to the depth of our connection, and I’m grateful for every moment we had together.

Please remember, my love, that you are never alone. I am a part of you, and I believe in your strength to overcome any challenges that come your way. Keep looking for the beauty in life, keep finding reasons to smile, and keep honoring our love by living the life you deserve.

With all my love.

About Victoria Helmly

My love story began in 2005 and though my love is no longer physically here with me, our story has not ended. I met Boris when we were 14, but it was not until our junior and senior year of high school that we became more than friends (he was my first kiss!). We went to the same college and although our relationship was a bit rocky through our early 20s, we made it through. He was my person. Our relationship grew stronger as we matured and learned about one another more as adults. I was certain that he was my forever. We talked about the future a lot and we knew we would get married, but we did not want to rush—he was still finishing graduate school and I was just starting my first full-time job. We did not realize how little time we had left together.

In the summer of 2017, Boris was hospitalized three times for active suicidal ideation. This was a heartbreaking, exhausting, and life-changing experience. After 10 months of therapy, medication, and support groups, Boris died by suicide on April 7, 2018. My life now has two parts: the one before April 7, 2018 and the one after. My very best friend, my person was now gone.

If you were to ask how I am doing now, 2.5 years later, I would say I am okay. I am living. My world continues to spin, and I continue to move forward. However, I still carry deep sorrow and loneliness. I have struggled with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Sometimes I still cannot believe that he is actually gone. I still feel him with me, and I know that I will never stop loving and missing him.

I am currently in school for my Ph.D. and live just outside of Atlanta with our cat, Kitty Cat (Boris is responsible for the creative name). I work as a graduate research assistant currently, but I worked for three years with our State Unit on Aging prior to going back to school. I love movies, my friends and family, long walks, and traveling.