I heard our wedding song this week. It was only the second time I’ve heard it in the almost two and half years since Tony died.
I usually just ask Alexa to play music and let her pick the genre. Well, this particular evening she chose 90’s country instead of something like P!nk. Tony liked country music more than I ever did so I don’t turn it on much. I thought to myself, you should change the station because THAT song is likely to play. Then I wondered if maybe it will be easier to listen to. So, I let the station play on.
Sure enough, after a few songs there it was “Look at You Girl” performed by Chris LeDoux.
He didn’t care about many of the small details concerning the planning of our wedding. However, for our first dance, it had to be this song. I didn’t have a song I felt that passionately about, so I was happy to oblige his wishes here. Plus, this is a love song where he professes his love and how together they can do ‘anything in the world.’ How could I say no to a song like that?
The song didn’t bring me to my knees like it did the first time I heard it. But this second time wasn’t that much easier. I love that song, but it fills me with heartache. I can’t turn it off if it randomly plays, but I’m not ready to seek it out either.
A few lyrics in and I could feel the tears welling and the Tony sized hole in my heart aching. That hole craving to be filled with one more dance. I could almost feel what it was like to rest my head on his chest as we danced. Feel the vibrations in his chest from his voice; because if he loved a song, he sang along. It reminds me of how much I miss him and us.