Among the many things I have been told since Suzanne died was that I should not try to distract myself from the grief. No matter what the form, a distraction (from what I can gather) is anything I do that stops me from thinking about Suzanne’s death
Widowed and Healing
Russian Mountains
Last week, on Thursday 6th February, I was having “a good day”. I had been for a long swim early in the morning and felt good in the water. I had a calm-ish day planned in the beautiful office space I have on Thursdays – just a few calls planned during the day, and most […]
Passion Take 2
I have taken a fair bit of time to think about my future. After much thought and consideration, I have concluded that my life will be magical again – eventually. I know that my life will be everything I ever dreamed it could be. Life will be beautiful – again. Maybe even more lovely than I’ve ever imagined… […]
The Kitties Can’t Come
A large part of the story of Don and Kelley is our kitties. He loved animals, and over our years together, we had our little family of kitty cats. Isabelle and Ginger are over the rainbow bridge now, but I still have Autumn and Sammy, who we adopted together from a rescue shelter in NJ. These 2 cats have stayed with me all throughout losing Don to…
Serenity
In the wake of Suzanne dying, I struggled to find true peace. How did others do it, I wondered? Some turn to “god”, religion, etc. Others turn to self-medicating (drugs, alcohol, etc.). Some find it in more unconventional ways. I finally fell into the last category. When Suzanne died, my whole world shattered. The girls suffered. Her parents…
Grit and Grace
My foundation shifted and collapsed when he died. I buried Mike, but it was me who was buried alive by the wreckage of our dilapidated life. For a long time I thought that maybe if I stood still he’d come for me. I thought he would somehow find me and save me from the ruins of our lost life. Then, after a while, I realized that Mike was…
No more Second Fiddles
A few weeks ago, Mike and I wrote a joint post together about some of the challenges of two widowed people dating. The metaphor that we mentioned, which is a common one, was of being second fiddle… the idea that each of us sometimes feels “second” to the person that came before us in our partner’s lives. It’s a bit unavoidable now and…
Resolutions and other Bullshit
Many people make resolutions in January. I didn’t. I simply picked a word. I picked a word to guide me into the new decade. LOVE This is my word. I’m not talking about romantic love. I’m talking about: Big Love, Agape Love, Self-Love. And, mostly I am talking about Love of Life. MY life. The life I have in front of…
Social Media Inspiration
After awhile, our friends and family don’t get the daily loss reminders we do. I get these strong urges to post on social media and remind them but those posts have evolved into a way to try and help anyone who needs it. This week, as I sit in my car, I just started writting….. It’s been almost 2 years since Clayton passed away. Sometimes it…
A bunch of curse words
So my entire post just disappeared. Just like my life. Just like my husband. Im so incredibly annoyed right now. I wrote a brilliant post. It was off the top of my head. It was called “Rebuild”, and it was this amazing metaphor all about having a house built and how if it took years to build a house and the builders kept making mistakes and then…
So Far Away
Lately, Mike feels so far away. It is very hard to properly describe, but I will give it a try. He has taken on the feel of a memory. Now, Mike feels like more of a memory than my person. I feel lousy admitting this. It sort of feels like he is dying all over again. In my head, Mike feels like someone who lived once upon a time – in…
What’s hard for Two Widowed People in Love: Two Second Fiddles
A while ago, Mike and I wrote this post together about some of the things that are harder about being two widowed people in a new relationship. In that post, we talked about how we aren’t ever able to really pull the widow card on one another, because essentially – it’s canceled out. We’ve both been through an equally hard pain. We have…