Many people make resolutions in January.
I simply picked a word.
I picked a word to guide me into the new decade.
This is my word.
I’m not talking about romantic love.
I’m talking about: Big Love, Agape Love, Self-Love.
And, mostly I am talking about Love of Life.
The life I have in front of me.
The life I have been given.
The one that is vastly different than the one I imagined…
I am striving to love the moment I’m in.
I want to fall in love with the present (again).
I do not want to wish it away foolishly seeking more or less.
I will choose (again and again) to love the beautiful life I have.
Even though it’s not the life I imagined, I will accept it and learn to love it as completely as I loved Mike when he was alive.
I intend to live like it is the golden hour because how can I be sure it’s not.
But, I’m willing to give this alternate life a shot.
I am a fool for love.
He made me this.
Mike made me Love’s biggest Fan Girl.
I will learn to love my life as I loved him: wholly, madly, fiercely, completely, and unconditionally.
I will practice loving my life this way.
I will love my life the way he loved me when he was alive.
Love is my word today, for this coming year.
For this new decade.
In closing, I think that resolutions are bullshit; and this is why I don’t make them. I do, however, set goals. And, I work to achieve good and to be good.
Even without him, I can strive for these things. And, without him, I can still strive for love.
I can work to build a solid life around my grief. And, I can find a way to love life again, and so can you.
I can be loving in all that I do. I can be try to be the love he was to me. And, maybe one day I can even fall into love again.
Anything is possible.
Mike showed me this.
Mike modelled how to love life with wild abandon and that is exactly what his girl is going to do. I am going to live the best way I can.
I am going to put a smile on my face. I am going to laugh and love and live again.
It has been over three years and; finally, I am coming back to life.
I know he’s glad for this. He’s more than glad. He’s wanted this for me all along. I’ve wanted this too.