Yesterday would have been Megan and I’s thirteenth wedding anniversary. It has been the fourth since she died. We didn’t quite make it to a decade together as husband and wife, but we at least got to have the experience of buying our own home and becoming parents. We got to have a formal wedding, with a service in a church and a catered…
Miscellaneous
Falling out of Grief
I feel like this may need some sort of introductory explanation. Suffice to say, that this entry is kinda sultry; but, more so, it is fairly profound – at least to me. ~Staci I have figured out how to love Mike -in separation. And, I am not talking about some superficial, makeshift love. I am talking about deep, pure, passionate love. The type of…
La Bella Vita
A year ago, if someone told me that my life would fall into place again I would have hoped what they were telling me was right. The problem is that hope does not provide a sense of contentment because hope can only take you so far. It is just a starting point. There is a big difference between hoping and knowing. Now, finally, inside my…
The Loudest Sound is Sometimes No Sound at All
So if you read my last blog, I was pretty stressed last week waiting for blood results and I’m happy to say everything is fine so I guess my stomach issues were really emotionally based. I do want to take a moment to thank everyone who has read my blog and the kind comments. I haven’t commented which has struck me by surprise since I am…
Weightless
I just returned from my 500 billionth Camp Widow. Okay, I’m exagerating, but not by much. Besides, I lost count long ago on how many times I have been honored to be a presenter at this amazing healing place called Camp Widow. July 13th was the 7-year mark of Don’s death. Camp Widow began on July 13th. Friday the 13th. Nothing incredibly weird…
Easy To Love
There’s this fairly new song called “Ain’t Easy” where the main chorus sings, “loving you ain’t easy” after singing about the difficulty of “loving” and being with someone who is “fire then rain.” Quite simply, even though it’s a catchy tune, it makes me mad. It aggravates me because I thought of myself that way when I…
Sympathy Pains
I’m sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. About a week ago I started having stomach pain and strong exhaustion. I, uncharacteristically, do not have an appetite and I have lost 10 lbs in less than two weeks. At first I thought it was something I ate. A few days passed and I thought it was probably just a stomach bug. After a week…
Shoutout to the Plants Growing Through Concrete
I heard the quote, “shoutout to the plants growing through concrete” and liked it. I thought of seeing a plant or two pushing its way through to continue growing towards the light. I thought of what I believe the quote intended, that a seemingly small, fragile plant can actually be stronger than what is thought to be powerful, forceful…
Beginnings
It goes without saying that I miss Mike. He was my life companion. My best friend. My lover. My Soul’s mate. He was my person. The one who championed me. He was the man who loved me to the depths of my Soul – from the depth of his own. But, now he is dead. And, I am here missing all that he was. To say that I miss his love is an…
Listen to their Hearts
I think I’ve always been interested in the ways that people celebrate or carry on the memory of a loved one throughout their lives. Something last time got me thinking again about this topic. Around this time last year, my new partner Mike took me to see Tom Petty on what ended up being his final tour. It’s not as though I knew this musician…
Fire and Rain and Huge Grief Triggers
So last month, June 14th, was my one-year anniversary with Nick, my new love. My new beginning. My “next great love story.” I never know how to refer to us, but thats another post for another time. I dont like the term “chapter two”, because he deserves way more than a chapter, as did my dead husband Don. But back to the point ……. I just…
Planning Hawaii
I’m all finished with school for the summer and heading to Hawaii with David! By the time this posts on Thursday I will already be there actually. I’m really excited to go. We have a lot of exciting things planned to do. Planning the trip was easy with David because we were interested in the same activities. If he found an idea of something…