Four years have come and gone since the last time Megan was present for Shelby’s birthday. By February 17, 2014, Megan had already been diagnosed with rejection, although she hadn’t been admitted to the hospital as of yet. Shelby was turning seven, and four days prior, Megan and I received the results from her bronchoscopy. We rented out…
Miscellaneous
Strong on Your Love
I am tired of trying to be – ‘not sad’. I am exhausted from the aching in my heart. I am weary from recognizing Joy everywhere, All around me, And, still feeling hollow inside, I am aware of all the good in my life, My heart is grateful for what I have. So, I ask myself again and again, Why isn’t it enough? Why isn’t my life enough – without…
The Power of This 4 Letter Word~
I believe in Love.I believe that Love enriches and empowers and creates and morphs mere humans into magnificent beings.I believe that life dares us and bids us, at our best and our worst, to open our hearts to Love.I believe that life challenges us, through strife and perplexity and awkwardness, to continue loving in the face of all that it throws…
Winds of Change
Photo source: mapofthenight Grief takes us to a secluded, dark place. We hesitate. We resist settling into this lonely realm. But, in order to slowly breathe life back into ourselves, We have to temporarily take residence in this muted, mysterious environment, I resisted this shadowy, hidden place for a long, long time. I…
1097 and Counting
Three years is not an insignificant amount of time to be in a relationship with someone. Three years is how long Megan and I dated before we were married. Three years is how long Megan was “healthy” during our relationship. Three years is how old Shelby was when her mother was carted away in an ambulance, on her way to an unknown…
Finance Department
Through our twenties, Megan and I (well, mostly me) got into a mountain of debt. Cars, trips, entertainment, and just plain “things” were being spent upon all the time. There were quite a few medical costs sprinkled in there too. By the time we hit 30 years old, we were at our wit’s end with bills. Megan’s disability prevented her…
The Dance
When Grief comes, Take her in your arms and dance with her. Don’t resist. Fall into her. Move and sway in time with her. Hold her carefully. Then, when the music is over, Look her in the eyes and thank her for the dance. Source: pinterest Maybe the words are too kitschy. Maybe this image of Grief is overly sentimental and…
Call Me if You Need ANYTHING
Up until about age 30 or so, I was a fairly social creature. I made friends easily, whether it be through work, spending weekends in the woods with groups, or wrenching on cars. Through my twenties, not only did Megan and I make “couples” friends, but I had my own as well. Friends that Megan appreciated herself, but really, they were…
Clearing the Debris
While we were down in my hometown last week for a wedding, we managed to get out for a few hours one morning to make the drive out to Rockport. If you’ll recall, this little coastal town got the brunt of hurricane Harvey last year. I will never forget sitting in bed at 2am, watching the TV in horror from 1400 miles away as one of my favorite…
Dormant Memories
If you’ve read Sarah’s Post this past Sunday, then you are aware that she and I (and Shelby) were in Corpus Christi, Texas, over an extended weekend. One of her longest and closest friends was marrying, and Sarah herself was a bridesmaid. In that regards, I wasn’t a widower this past weekend. I was the “second partner” of a widow.
Big Love
My smile has been gone for a long time. I wore it effortlessly when Mike was alive. But, now, my smile feels like an accessory I wear only on special occasions. I know that it won’t be like this forever because I love life too much to never smile again. But, for right now, my heart feels empty, And, I see a deficiency of joy in my eyes.
Loss of a Different Kind
In my 37 years, I’ve seen my share of loss. I’ve lost all of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, fellow Marines, a brother-in-law, cats, dogs and other pets, co-workers, and obviously, my wife. There has been illness, accidents, age, war, heart-attacks, and a sprinkle of stupidity involved. It happens. Death happens. I…