Losing Tony hasn’t really made me question who I am as a person, but it has made me question how I should spend my time. As a couple, we each participated in activities that the other person wouldn’t sign up for alone. I’ve been to NASCAR races, BBQ contests, and attempted to fish. None of […]
Word of the Year
In my very first post here I said I’ve never been a New Year resolution kind of gal. I still maintain that I am not. For me, the resolutions are too specific and confined that make me feel destined to fail. As a lifelong perfectionist failure is way outside my comfort zone. Over the last […]
Vacationing Without Him
After the success of surprising my kids last year with a Christmas trip to Orlando, I decided to try it again this year. On Christmas morning, they woke up to a scavenger hunt that revealed we were going to Jamaica for 6 days over the holiday break. This time we had a few days before […]
Grief Is…a repost worth sharing
This week was the first anniversary of Tony’s death. Despite the strange time warp of grief, I have pulled us along into the second year. One hour, one day, one week, one month at a time. I imagine the road ahead is counted in years instead of the grains of time, but time will tell. […]
Our Second Christmas
This is our second Christmas without Tony but despite that, it was a first of sorts. For our first Christmas without him, I couldn’t bear the thought to be in town. I didn’t want to feel forced to participate in the merriment. The thought of his empty place and the looks of condolence at all […]
Another Suicide Loss
Last week, news broke that Stephen “tWitch” Boss died by suicide. As a survivor of suicide loss, each time I hear of someone else dying this way I feel a little crushed. It’s like my brain can’t process how or why this keeps happening to people. The subsequent days filled my news feeds with things […]
Branching Out
A month ago, I went to dinner with some college friends for my birthday. While we were having a pre-dinner drink at the bar, one of them suggest I check out an app called Meet Up. This friend never married or had children. As most of us were getting married and having babies, we weren’t […]
Signs from a Stocking
We are coming into the thick of the holiday season now. I’ve already been to 1 holiday party, and I have 2 more scheduled this week and the following. It feels a little excessive this year but I’m rolling with it for now. Our dreaded Elf on the Shelf is back, but the older boys […]
Account Changes are Hard
Today the plan was to write about how we put things off because we know it’s going to be hard. We have enough hard so if there’s a path of less resistance, I might just follow it. And then I put writing this blog off all day. Clearly, I’m sticking with my theme of stalling […]
Hug a Widow(er)
This weekend I went out with some girlfriends. Our original plans were foiled when the cover band we wanted to see had to cancel their show due to illness. So, we pivoted and ended up at a country bar that recently reopened. I don’t know when the original one closed, but I can tell you […]
Anti At-Least Parenting
Parenting solo is hard. I could self-criticize plenty of things I did better when there were two of us, but I’m not here to dwell on those today. This weekend, I realized how grief has changed a specific part of my parenting style for the better. Saturday morning, my middle son was woken up by […]
Birthdays Can Be The Worst Days
Last Wednesday was Tony’s 2nd birthday since his passing. He should have been 45 but he is immortalized at 43. Having already checked off a birthday without him last year, I thought I was mentally ready for this day. I was wrong. When I woke up on the 2nd, I felt the weight of the […]