I’ve been sorting through our cupboards and closets and purging the least needed/most outgrown items lately in anticipation of living mostly indoors again after a summer in the backyard and beach. I have found mismatched gumboots, lost flashlights, a dried up snail and the odd coin. Most surprisingly, I have unearthed copious amounts of Jeff’s…
young widow
One Thousand, Three Hundred & Seventy-nine Days ….
…. since I’ve heard three small words. I heard, or rather, read them yesterday. And I was stunned. I’m still stunned. I’m not stunned that I was sent the words, but am happily surprised. I am stunned at the impact those three words are having on me. I was stunned when I read them and I’m still stunned.This has been, and will continue to be an…
Sometimes You’re the Bug
Found this picture while looking for images that expressed how some of my days have been recently. This one made me laugh out loud! I’m glad to report that it isn’t as bad as all that…but there are moments when I feel like the shark is about that close. I think I sometimes lean heavily on the idea that “this isn’t hard, I’ve experienced hard,…
He’s Not Here
Last weekend we moved. Our new place is smaller, more intimate. I like it. It’s simpler to manage. (There are only so many places Ezra’s left shoe can be!) It makes sorting through the boxes and boxes of stuff I should have sold, much simpler. (If it stays, exactly where is it going to go, Kim?) And I feel lighter here, less…
Burn
I know the phrase is a little off-putting but I think I’d be in naive in not noting those that have come in and out of my life since Michael’s death….though burning of bridges is probably an exaggeration of a statement. In the beginning of Michael’s death, many left or were hurt by the lack of understanding of the pain and loss I was feeling. As…
I’m Okay
Six years ago my husband died in a tragic accident (is there any other kind really?). I woke up the next morning, and felt certain that I had been dreaming. With my eyes closed, I slid my hand across the bed to Phil’s side, and felt the cold sheets where his warm body used to lie. I wasn’t dreaming. The pain of his absence was searing. There were…
A Look Back
I was looking through some old posts today and this one caught my attention. I wrote it on December 18, 2008. One year after Jim died. I wrote about that year, and how far I/we came in those 365 days. I thought I had come a long way. I had no clue. None. I still had so much further to go. But still …. after reading it today …. that’s what…
Third Year
This weekend I’ll be at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. 8 stages, over a hundred bands, but to me it is so much more. Last October, my best friend (and fellow widow) and I ventured out on the green grass, drinking wine from sports bottles, listening to amazing music, having a grief/stress free time. Of course, since Michael’s death I’ve had…
Maybe It’s Just The Week ….
…. that is causing so many of us to feel so many more emotions right now? I don’t know. I still don’t know how this grief thing works. Or, more pointedly, how it doesn’t work. All I do know is that it sucks.It sucks that Dan’s “date” was yesterday (I just can’t use the word “anniversary” to describe the annual reminder of such a horrific day). It…
Virtual Hugs
This is for you Dan, and everyone else who is needing a little something extra today to remind them that they can survive this. I’m sending out a big fat virtual hug. Love to you Dan as you reflect on this day and miss Michael. Love to us all, we deserve it.”When the walls fall all around you, when your hope has turned to dust, let the sound of…
9-11
9-11, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11 It’s everywhere. I, like the rest of the country I suspect, am afraid to write the wrong thing, aware that I do not know what it’s like…And that is where I stop myself. I do know what it’s like.I do know what it feels like in the dark hollowness that filled the first months. I do know the effort it takes to place…
Moments
They happen…sometimes more than I think I can handle. Those moments where it feels like I’m in a well, with all the walls caving in on me. The sad thing is I see it when I’m being lowered down….like the bucket on the rope. I anticipate what will happen and still am lowered further and further down…feeling as if there is no one at the top to…