Last night, I finally threw Jeff’s toothbrush in the trash. 3 years, 7 months and 22 days, since he used it to scrub his teeth clean. This action was precipitated a few days ago when I had spoken to a dear friend who is known for being outspoken and blunt. She doesn’t mean harm at all but is very Northern European in the delivery of her very strong…
widowed suddenly
Saints vs. ….
…. Sinners. That’s what we tend to sometimes make our dead spouse ….. a saint. It’s a good thing they’re dead. No one could actually live up to those standards. Jim was not a saint. Not by a long shot. But then, neither was/am I. But …… and this is a pretty large “but”….. …… we had almost 27 years to work on our relationship.And we…
I am not alone (why I am glad I blog)
I’m sitting here, calmly typing this and it’s been 622 days since my husband died. I know exactly how many days because of my regular blog. But to think that I can type this without tears would have been unthinkable a year ago. I began writing about my pain just over a month after the accident. I blogged everything because I knew I’d always be able…
A Note from Our Editor
Thank you all for your comments, suggestions, and kind remarks regarding last week’s posts. What I find equal parts amazing and challenging about leading this blog effort is attempting to meet the multitude of needs of our readers; allowing for the variety of opinions expressed regularly; and at the same time working to offer something valuable at…
Today
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. -Lao Tzu It’s Veteran’s Day, and it comes every year with many people asking what I’ll be doing. How I’ll be honoring a day that my husband fought and died to be recognized as a part of.I guess in a way these days (Veteran’s and Memorial Day) are not so…
Should I Write …..
…. if I Feel “Happy”? Ahhhhh ….. an interesting question, and one I’ve asked myself several times when considering what to write about on this blog. I’ve never come to the conclusion that I should stop writing here ….. but I do sometimes wonder. Especially after comments like those that were written yesterday. Am I, and my grief, less…
The Why’s
***This is a post I wrote 3 years ago today. Almost a bookmark to my progress.*** Why: adv. For what purpose, reason, or cause; with what intention, justification, or motive Now we know there are definitions, but in this case it is three letters that come together to become a word that has a way of haunting those of us who have felt cheated of a…
In my closet
I wore Jeff’s work coat the other night – Halloween night. It was the first time I have worn it in the three years since he died. I haven’t wanted it to lose any of his smell, cells or presence by donning it myself. But with it on, I felt warm, cuddled and protected from the cold Autumn wind biting at me as I followed the kids down a variety of…
Mixed Tears ….
….. were flowing down my face today. The man in my life, V, was holding me. He had spent the day taking care of me after he took me to a hospital bright and early this morning so that I could have a procedure done on my shoulder. I had to be put under so they wanted to make sure that someone would be staying the day with me, to keep any eye on…
old shoes and wooden spatulas
I’ve been sorting through our cupboards and closets and purging the least needed/most outgrown items lately in anticipation of living mostly indoors again after a summer in the backyard and beach. I have found mismatched gumboots, lost flashlights, a dried up snail and the odd coin. Most surprisingly, I have unearthed copious amounts of Jeff’s…
One Thousand, Three Hundred & Seventy-nine Days ….
…. since I’ve heard three small words. I heard, or rather, read them yesterday. And I was stunned. I’m still stunned. I’m not stunned that I was sent the words, but am happily surprised. I am stunned at the impact those three words are having on me. I was stunned when I read them and I’m still stunned.This has been, and will continue to be an…
Burn
I know the phrase is a little off-putting but I think I’d be in naive in not noting those that have come in and out of my life since Michael’s death….though burning of bridges is probably an exaggeration of a statement. In the beginning of Michael’s death, many left or were hurt by the lack of understanding of the pain and loss I was feeling. As…