I confess… I am an American Idol fan. I know, I know, but I love the show. So, for those of you who don’t watch, this year in the finals there is a young widower named Danny Goeke. As the season has progressed I have watched Danny with interest as he grows as an artist, and I can sometimes imagine that I see him processing his grief.In the early…
widowed perspective
A Widow’s Brain….
Dear Wonderful Widows! When Anneke was eight, a year after Mike died, I dropped her off at her Tae Kwon Do lesson and I was so relieved to have time alone that I forgot to pick her up. Forty-five minutes later as I unpacked the groceries she walked in the house having gotten a ride home from her instructor. She was incredulous and outraged. “You…
My Circle …
This picture is from our last vacation …. we went to Alaska in June of 2007. Jim died in December, 5 months later. I love this picture because it really “shows” us. We didn’t know it was being taken and were just enjoying some quiet time together. We held hands …. all of the time. I hate how empty my hand feels now. And this is the…
I saw him…
I saw him. Seven months after he died, I saw him. I was standing outside the Coffee Obsession, and I swear to God, I saw him. It was Mike. He was about three blocks away and talking to a lady. I couldn’t see who she was, but it looked like he was giving her directions as he pointed down the street. I stood frozen. I knew it wasn’t him. It…
The Inconsistency of Consistency ….
If there’s one thing you can count on while on this road through widowhood (and there’s not much!) ….. it’s how constantly inconsistent everything seems to be ……. especially, but not limited to, our emotions. I used to think I was crazy ….. early on the path. I mean, after the first few months of black blurriness, I started to emerge once…
Pennies from Heaven
Years ago I was walking with a friend and we came upon a dime lying on the ground. Seeming disappointed, she stooped to pick up the coin saying she thought it was a penny. When I asked why she wanted a penny, she looked up at me and said, “Don’t you know the story of pennies from heaven?” After I told her that I’d heard the phrase, but didn’t know…
I am not alone.
Confession: I am not fun when hungry. When my hunger sets in I get a headache, become weak, and I’m grumpy! I can’t hide my hunger well, and David knew this better than anyone. The moment I became difficult he’d ask, “Have you eaten today?” “No.” His action? Drop everything and get my wife some food! David always prevented my “hunger monster” from…
Meet Mie Elmhirst
Hello Wonderful Widows. I often do things a little backwards…now is no exception. Last week I wrote an article for this blog on widows and teens. I was a stranger in your midst. This week I will let you who I am. I was widowed in 2000 when I was 47 and Mike was 52. Our daughter was 7 years-old, and his daughter, my step-daughter, was 25. Now they…
Sunshine
There have been many days since Phil’s death that I was sure the sun could not possibly be shining…how dare that orb glow as if the world were right?! And then there have been other days when, unbelievably, that sun shone right on my head in the form of a blessing that was all the sweeter due to my familiarity with loss.Meet my nephew, Miles. He…
How ARE you?
I went with some new girlfriends to the rodeo last night. As it usually does when meeting new people, conversation turned to my history and my experience of being a widow. One of the girls had recently lost a sister-in-law and was sharing with me the difficulties her brother was experiencing. It has only been three months for him, but I was…
Widows as Agents of Peace?
Have you ever prayed for “peace in our world”? Or have you wondered when reading the day’s headlines why we can’t all get along? And on the days when the loss of your spouse is so heavy you can’t get out of bed do you think about being an agent of peace?! I have met so many amazing people on the road of healing. It seems that every day brings…
Death Knocks Again
When you have lived the grief experience others often assume you know “just what to say” to a friend or family member who has lost a person they love. Many times I have been the go-to person for advice on what to say, how to help, what not to say, and sometimes for requests to make a personal phone call to a fellow griever. Many times I feel…