It’s been four and a half years. I have lived 1, 650 days without Daniel Dippel’s voice in my ears, his hand in mine, his presence at my side. I have bought and moved to two different houses and owned two cars he’s never seen. My child has grown 20 inches and advanced 4 grades. I have wrinkles I never dreamed of and traveled to places he’d only…
widowed parenting
Happy Mother’s Day?
Since Day 365 I have been haunted by Art. It’s like making it to that day I somehow expected that he’d show up at the door and yell “Just Kidding!” …at which point I would beat him to a pulp and then cover every bloody inch of him with kisses. After Day 367 that fact that he’s not coming back is more real, almost tangible. And it makes…
Mother’s Day Memories
Our guest blogger today is Jo Rozier who lost his wife Deltha to a brain aneurysm on 3/16/2006. Jo is the single father of two teens, a founding member of our Widower Match program, and as he says, “a fellow traveler” on this road called widowhood. Thanks for sharing Jo.Dear Kids,Mother’s Day, our fourth since Mommy died.So often you share your…
give me one reason
You know the term “It happened for a reason”? I hate it. I have used it myself. But I hate it. It seems to say that everything, good or bad, was supposed to happen to make way for some ‘better’ purpose. It’s sappy and it sucks. It’s almost up there with the “He’s in a better place”.With this rationale, maybe because Jeff died, a cherubic little one…
struggling
struggling. not sure why. somehow i got to thinking about the notes that liz used to write to me in the blank cards she used to buy.i think i have them all. or at the very least, most of them. can’t look at them yet. can barely stand to think about them. i will never see another. … she would come across them, months, years later (usually while…
Toasting Alone
Tonight I toasted my youngest son’s confirmation with me, myself, and I. The ceremony was really beautiful, we enjoyed a lively lunch with our family to celebrate, and at the end of the day I felt peaceful and content. So, I popped the cork on a bottle of champagne, and toasted to a joy filled day. As I poured my solo glass of bubbly, I laughed…
hawaiian wedding part two
when it was time to get ready for the wedding. i’m of course going tie-less because i still don’t know how to tie one and my wife is no longer here to curse and assist me.we took our seat in the sun and as the bride started walking down the aisle, maddy started to squirm and make some noise. shit. we retreated and i kept one eye on maddy…
I Can’t Compete ….
…. with a memory. Especially a memory that has become gold-lined over the past 2 + years. I’m referring, of course, to my teenagers’ memory of their father.Don’t get me wrong …. he was a great husband (the best I ever had …. ok, so he was the only one I ever had …. whatever). He was a very good father. He was an exceptional man with a…
Survivors
Relay for Life was this past weekend. This is our 5th year as “Team Dippel” and we’ve got it down to a smoothly orchestrated event. The usual suspects attended and we had a great time walking the track, eating unhealthy snacks, and spending some quality time together.Grayson felt it more intensely this time, recognizing the meaning of the event in…
I’m Not “Normal” …..
….. and finally, FINALLY …. after 2 years and 4 months ….. I’m OK with that. It feels good to finally feel OK with things not really being OK. I don’t think I will ever feel “normal” again. I spent a lot of time fighting that. I wanted to be “normal”. I didn’t want to be a widow. I didn’t want anything to do with widowhood and everything…
more birthday
two saturdays ago, a whole bunch of people came together to celebrate madeline’s first birthday.her actual birthday was on march 24, but this was the first time we could get (almost) everyone together many of our family members flew in (two even drove from the mn) and a lot of madeline’s friends showed up. it was an amazing day for the…
I’m OK?
Today looked like this…. I got up. I laughed before the big toe of my left foot hit the floor. I left at 8:15 for an 8:30 class that was a 20 minute drive away. I drove giggling…my lateness, some things never change.I didn’t know anyone in the class. I didn’t feel like knowing anyone from the class. At the class, I didn’t eat the granola bar,…