I took a last-minute vacation day last week to spend the day alone. The decision came after looking at the calendar and realizing almost every day between now and the end of school is occupied with kid activities. Once school is over, I’ll have three feral boys in my space all day, every day. I […]
Widowed
My Evolving Relationship with Old Routines
I started running again the past week. My usual route, 3 miles around the lake a few minutes from my house, and the neighborhood I grew up in. This has been my usual nightly running route on and off for the past 15+ years, though it’s a trail I have been traversing since I was […]
The Liminal Space
Of Loss I’m writing today from a disoriented space of transition. A liminal space. It is said that grief is such a place. The location of disorientation today is loss. It is a practical loss; yet, still a condition worthy of discussion for those in grief. Prior to losing Dan, I would have criticized myself […]
Back to Therapy
In response to feeling overwhelmed lately, I have been buying books and exploring therapy options. It started with ‘The Let Them Theory’ by Mel Robbins a few months ago and I wrote a post on that. Now I’m reading ‘What Happened To You?’ by Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. and Oprah Winfrey. I have made […]
My Late Partner’s Posthumous Birthdays
Lynn’s birthday was this past week – the 11th birthday since she passed. Wow – I actually had to count it out on my hand a few times just now before I could believe it. (She passed in December 2014… so that makes it 11 years. Is that really right?!) It’s hard to grasp how […]
Other Widowed Perspectives
One thing I’ve found just from reading everyone else’s posts here as well as bumping into other widows in person, is that there are things we can all relate to, but each of us is on our own unique journey. A couple weekends ago I decided to check out a small art show that was […]
Thinking of Those
Arriving in Edmonds Tomorrow Remembering Camp Widow Denver Gives Me Hope. I am packing and remembering. I’m recalling a tender conversation with a woman under the stairwell. She drove 18 hours to see if Camp Widow could help her manage the grief. What can possibly help when our person is gone? When facing a […]
The Living Bucketlist
What a world. The twins and I have been on back-to-back trips for the last few months. We recently just got back this past Saturday from a trip to Japan and South Korea and wow, what a trip it was. It was another bucketlist item that Erik and I had. As I continue to travel […]
Death and Holidays
Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of Tony’s passing. In case you missed it, yesterday was also Easter. I have known and dreaded for a full year that these two events would coincide. About a month ago, I checked in with my kids about the date. Bringing the calendar to their attention and getting their thoughts […]
Day in Review
On the 4th Year of Re-membering A Day in Review Writing this post is the last ritual of a day of re-membering the life of Dan Neff. Beloved husband, papa, and grandfather. Greatly missed by many. A good man. After an online workshop in the morning, I went to the cemetery to find our […]
Our Lost Cat
Our cat has been missing for four days, and the anniversary of Tony’s death is in six days. Into that equation go ahead and add that my oldest will be 16 in two days. In summation, I am struggling. I feel like such a failure losing the cat, as the adult in the house it’s […]
Sixteen increments of 90 days
= A Very Long Time In just 13 days we arrive at the fourth anniversary of Dan’s death. Recently, I realized that there have been sixteen “90 day increments” since saying goodbye to my beloved. To honor this realization, I reposted my July 14th blog which I wrote exactly 90 days after his death. My […]