I have struggled with Mother’s Day all my life. I lost my own mother when I was nine, many of you know. I don’t really remember my father knowing what to do with that day anymore afterwards. We had no other family around to celebrate, and so it just kind of became a non-holiday in our house. I sometimes wish we had continued to make it about her -…
Widowed Holidays
Centenary
This week in Australia and New Zealand we are leading up to the centenary of our initial engagement in the First World War at Gallipoli in Turkey, an engagement that for Australia is often considered the birth of the nation. Most of the documentaries, news reports and commemorations surrounding the anniversary are focused on the men who went away…
A Forgotten Card
Ian and I never particularly did Valentines day. Although I *like* getting the gifts and stuff, I never felt it a necessity. It’s a more than a bit over-commercialised to me, which is thankfully quite a protective view-point in my after. But the day still holds memories. Some good. Some that trigger a sense of guilt.John was born in the late…
Brave Love
I’m writing you tonight from my hotel room in Seattle – en route to a four-night stay in Alaska. I hadn’t really given any thought to what I was going to write today for this post, as I’ve spent the better part of the day running around like crazy. It could have been about the usual stuff of Valentine’s Day… like how bitchy I’ve been all week…
My Forever Valentine
I’ve been back home, in Brisbane, Australia, for a couple of days now. As it seems to go with most vacations, it’s so good to go away and then it’s so good to get home. Getting off the plane after the 13-hour flight from LA and walking in to the arms of my wonderful parents, who came to town to collect me from the airport, was a good feeling.
Too Short
Valentine’s Day. Another very difficult time of year for many of us widowed people. Two years ago, Mike came in the door with a delighted grin on his face. He brought me a big box of chocolate from our wonderful local chocolatier, and a new garden hose I’d been wanting, in its own new gift bag he had purchased along with a beautiful…
Layers of Loss
I awakened this morning, on the last day of 2014, with the images of my sister and mother on my heart. They died 6 and 7 years ago, respectively, during the holiday season, and I realised I had done nothing, this year, to mark their lives and deaths—not a picture or a mention, anywhere. I have been so consumed with the loss of my beloved that…
New Years Crash
Ever since that calendar started to read 2015 about 24 hours or so ago, I have been feeling a little bit down. I keep forgetting that New Years Eve and New Years Day make me incredibly sad. I don’t know why I keep forgetting this, but I do. Each year since my husband’s death, the sadness surrounding New Years always seems to come out of nowhere and…
Taking a Memo
A dear high school friend I had dinner with when I was back in my home town for Christmas told me something that resonated quite deeply. She was making the point after we started talking about what my reality has been like for me the past nearly two years after losing Mike, how my perspective has shifted so enormously, and that I find myself at a…
Will the Stars and Moon Answer Me?
Even while I’m engaged in various activities, my mind’s eye, my heart’s eye, is searching for something that will ring a bell of recognition within me. Something that will make my heart say oh, that’s what I’ve known all along and didn’t remember I knew! That something that will ease some of the devastating ache of my soul and heart and body.
Those Who Don’t Know Grief
As I write this we’re full swing into the holidays and I’ve survived Christmas Day, Boxing Day and am about to head to my parent’s house for a large lunch celebration with 20 or so members of extended family. I’m absolutely exhausted, but hanging in there. I’ve heard many widowed people say that the second year can be harder than the first,…
Snowglobe
I did it. I survived, and sometimes even thrived, Christmas day. It is now Christmas night, and I sit here in my parents dining room on my laptop writing this blog. I am staying with them for 10 days over the holiday, in Massachusetts, away from my usual NYC apartment and life. I love being here. I love my family. However … and there is ALWAYS a…