When I purchased my new car recently, I intended to keep my old one for the kids. The old car was having some transmission issues, but I was going to have them repaired. My car had only one previous owner before myself. It seemed like a good idea to keep the vehicle in which I […]
Widowed Emotions
Following Father’s Day
Here you are on display so many years after the fact. Having been only four tiny pounds yourself, you grew larger than life. You had the strength to be immutable and the grace to be tender. Tough and Tender. A combination for life. Seeing this photo undoes me. Missing […]
That Twin Inevitable Heartbreak
As a widow, we hear plenty of platitudes. One of them being ‘time will heal all’. It’s one that I truly dislike and still makes me cringe mostly because I don’t believe it’s true. I don’t believe that time will heal becoming a widow. I don’t think anything will be able to heal that. I […]
A Family Vacation
Last week I was on vacation with my children and my late husband’s family. My in-laws organized the trip as an early celebration for their 50th wedding anniversary. We spent 6 days in the Outer Banks with Tony’s parents and his sister’s family. The cousins had fun together bouncing between the beach and the pool […]
Floating On
On Thursday, my family and I paid a loving tribute to my mother when her ashes were interred with my father’s at Saratoga National Cemetery in New York. One year earlier to the day, my father’s Military Service took place at the same location on a day that was just as beautiful and warm. My […]
Anatomy of a Problem.
I am raccoon-less, feeling grateful, and wondering about problems and solutions. Picture this. The Indian Ocean is splashing fiercely at the edge of a home during a storm. It quickly fills the bottom floor with sea water. Clearly a problem, right? Or not. Today, I googled “what are the problems people have?” with this […]
Stuff, Stuff and More Stuff
When Erik passed the twins and I packed our entire house into a storage unit and moved. We only took with us what fit into the already full trucks of our two cars; one carry-on luggage that was stuffed for me by my cousin with random clothes and a few hampers filled with the twins’ […]
Watching and Waiting
The Raccoon Saga Continues I think they’re gone. As I examine the clues of how they arrived, it seems they are gone. The urgency I felt (fear?) and signs of their presence brought a low level panic in my psyche. Why? Because I love animals and even though I know their presence could be […]
Approach of Father’s Day
As we enter June, my mind starts to think about all things surrounding Father’s Day. It will be our third Father’s Day without Erik. Each year seems to get harder as the twins get older. They have always asked for daddy since Erik passed but they are now looking for more of an answer. The […]
My LA Ambush
A group of widows is called an Ambush. I learned that at one of the three Camp Widow events I’ve attended. Greater than that fun fact, are the friendships I’ve built from those Camps. My home base Camp Widow has been San Diego. My first year in attendance, I almost instantly connected with three other […]
Flow Like Water
Sometimes I do plan a topic that I want to write about in this weekly post and sometimes I just let my brain talk through my hands across the keyboard. This is one of the later types of posts. Everybody dies. There, I said it. It’s that proverbial elephant in the room of life. While […]
The Dance of Life in the Garden
. . . and sometimes, under the house. It is in the garden that life and death arrive on the regular. I witness living and dying primarily in the plants, grasses and weeds that come and go. I’m ever aware that when I pay attention, the garden is a valuable teacher. As a small […]